Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Girl talk is my favorite. You go from discussing goals to talking about shoes, to hating men, to planning a trip in six minutes.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

I wish the homes of all my friends were connected to mine by secret underground tunnels.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

What does my tattoo mean? It means I couldn’t be trusted with $200 when I was 18.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

The hard part about dating is finding someone who’s mentally ill enough to understand you, but not mentally ill enough to ruin your life.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Nothing more dangerous than an ignorant man who thinks he is a genius.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Do you ever restart the dryer because you don’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Jan 5, 2026

3,433

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

Just landed via Facebook:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Anything is free if you can outrun security. The more you know.

Just landed via Reddit:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

Just shared via Slack:

Most puns make me feel numb, but math puns make me feel number.

Spotted on Facebook:

Normalize bed-rotting in the holidays and not feeling guilty about it for your mental health.

Live now on Snapchat:

I don’t always leave the house, but when I do, I shouldn’t.

Seen just now on Discord:

Unfortunately for the both of us, I really like you.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’m so unpopular at school they call me “Batteries”. I’m never included in anything.

Seen just now on TikTok:

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

I don’t want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.

2 months ago

0

I don’t want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a time machine when you've got your high school earrings to transport you back to the glory days 🕰️💁‍♀️ Talk about vintage chic! Just remember, trends may come and go, but apparently, earring size remains eternal 😂💎 #TimelessFashion"

brag, confidence, earrings, fit, high, high school, humor, i, nostalgia, school, self-deprecation, still, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“Fries or salad?” sums up every adult decision you have to make.

0

2 months ago

adult, adult decision, choice, decision, food, food choice, fry, humor, life, life choice, priorities, salad
I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

0

2 months ago

bill, change, dollar, humor, i, independence, money, need, one dollar, relationship, self-worth, single
I wanna meet the person whose parents are super disappointed he went to medical school instead of becoming a stand-up comedian.

0

2 months ago

career, career choice, choice, comedian, disappointment, humor, i, medical, medical school, meet, parents, person, school, stand-up, stand-up comedian, super
“Date” is just another word for: Jeez, had I known that before, I would have stayed home.

0

2 months ago

another, before, date, disappointment, expectation, home, humor, i, just, relationship, word
And for my next trick, I’ll set your soul on fire.

0

2 months ago

dark, dark humor, fire, humor, illusion, magic, next, performance, set, soul, trick
You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

0

5 months ago

conversation, got, humor, i, know, left, people, person, talking, tap, time, video, while, wish

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Threads this month:

“My reading glasses would look good on your nightstand.” -Me, flirting.

38 shares on YouTube this month:

I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

87 shares on Twitch this month:

Some days you’re the shit and some days you’re the fan.

93 shares on Pinterest this month:

The actors who signed on to that first Avatar movie have job security like no other in Hollywood.

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I miss phone booths. We used to train our immune system in those things.

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m an optimist and i understand how annoying that is.

94 shares on TikTok this month:

Cheating on a partner should affect your credit score.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

56 shares on Discord this month:

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m starting to understand the distant uncle.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

At a job interview: think of me as the rightful heir to the throne.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

The nerve of a majority of people I meet being younger than me. How dare them?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I realize that being rushed by someone is a form of manipulation.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Just eating the emotional support snickers bar in my purse. How about you?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If I ever go missing, please print my picture on wine bottles and not on milk boxes. My friends are more likely to find me then.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Family Guy is so insane because, why were people dating that dog?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

215 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,484

Funny Quotes Topics

17,554

Funny Quotes Images

15,484

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,269

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Now I understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

I’m at the age where I understand that paying a little extra for convenience and comfort is absolutely okay.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Some Uber rides in NYC are the same price as a JetBlue flight to Miami.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

It’s our first time on Earth, so why are you a life coach?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Just done a HIIT workout and if anyone sees me trying to do that again just go ahead and hiit me in the face.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Sorry, can’t. I’m currently nodding in class so the teacher doesn’t feel sad.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

Catching me in person is rare. I move like a ghost.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Slack:

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

Freshly posted on X:

I was going to cause mischief tonight, but I climbed into my bed instead.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P.

Spotted on Instagram:

Babe, are you okay? You haven’t touched your dark humor all day.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

He said he thinks I’m resilient to everything, so I thanked him, but on second thought, he may have low key called me a cockroach.

Just landed via Threads:

Work beers should be a daily thing.

Making waves on X:

My bra isn’t just padded — it’s also filled with cookie and chip crumbs.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Doggy style means I get a treat afterwards, right?

Broadcasted on Slack:

Watched Titanic for the 14th time. Still sobbing. Still yelling, “SCOOT OVER, COW!” like it’ll change the ending.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I wanna stand with you on a mountain and throw you into the sea, or whatever Savage Garden was on about.

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