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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Some of us better hope Santa doesn’t check social media, because if he does, all we’re getting for Christmas is therapy.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Soccer: I love when they hold up the sign and a brand new, beautiful boy takes the place of a dirty, sweaty, ruined one.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

I only look up to people that are taller than me and really that’s about the extent of it.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

No plans and no pants kind of day.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

The worst part about waking up is all the remembering.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

I hate when people say “It could be worse” because it could be better, too.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,460

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Asked my therapist who their therapist was and went to see them. Asked them the same thing until I got to the final boss therapist and defeated them with my trainwreck of a life.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Landlord: I’m raising your rent. Me: Am I getting a bigger house?

Spotted on Pinterest:

Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I like that they put all that stuff outside for you to look at when you’re on a walk.

Trending via Facebook:

Quitting a job is not enough. I need them to go out of business when I leave.

Seen just now on X:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

Trending via Discord:

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

Shared recently on YouTube:

If trees offered Wi-Fi, we would plant more of them. Too bad they only produce this oxygen thing.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

Trending via YouTube:

I’m addicted to placebos.

I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

Funny text about procrastination and morning struggles, highlighting a playful, humorous vibe.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like your bladder is the ultimate party pooper! 🎉💤 Just when you thought you'd have a lazy morning, it decides to shake things up! 😆 Who needs alarm clocks when you have a bladder on a mission? 🚽💥"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

24 shares on Twitch this month:

I do believe in aliens, but do they also believe in me?

36 shares on Reddit this month:

The dopamine hit of getting an Outlook meeting cancellation is unrivaled.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

Girls on their period: stay away from me; I need you.

54 shares on Instagram this month:

How are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby?

65 shares on Telegram this month:

ADHD is: being pretty good at basically anything you want to be, and absolutely terrible at anything you need to do to live.

75 shares on Reddit this month:

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

Obsessed with how Siri just doesn’t work at all, ever.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

My worst fear is looking out my window at night, and someone looking right at me.

45 shares on Facebook this month:

“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

35 shares on TikTok this month:

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

After a quick review of my finances, everyone is going to have to be happy with a forehead kiss for Christmas.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Pretending to be a well-adjusted, functioning adult is so exhausting.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t believe bedtime used to be a punishment.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent someone who holds me.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Anyone still shut off lights when leaving a room because their parents used to say, “Don’t waste electricity!”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My only addiction is coffee, which is just like crack but is legal and tastes good.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,527

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Whenever Im in trouble, I think, what would Jesus do? Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for 3 days.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

DMs full of guys who wouldn’t know what to do with me.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

It takes only one person in this world to make you smile. It’s called a plastic surgeon.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

No more looking back in anger. It’s time to look forward in anger.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

If you collect the crumbs from one Nature Valley granola bar, you can make three more granola bars.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Coke Zero sounds like a government pledge to eliminate fizzy drinks by 2030.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on TikTok:

I miss when you could touch a TV and feel its fur.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

“You tryna hang?” Yeah bro, myself!

Just landed via Telegram:

I don’t know why we traded horses for cars. Your car won’t stop in front of a river and be like, “no way dumbass, we aren’t going to make that.”

Spotted on Snapchat:

Them: You post a lot. What am I supposed to do here – fold laundry on the timeline?

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Paid my rent and slept in every room of my house this week, kitchen and laundry room next.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I’ve never been to hell, but I once forgot to buy batteries for the toys on Christmas morning. The sound is still ringing in my ears.

Just shared via Instagram:

I followed my heart. It led me to the fridge.

Just landed via Facebook:

Loving her was my second biggest mistake. Not buying Bitcoins in 2010 still remains the first.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Living la vida taco!

Trending via YouTube:

The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

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