I hate when people call my phone! I don’t use it for that.

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Sometimes I do something completely out of character, like say no to a slice of pizza, or trust someone.

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I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

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In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

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When I was a kid, I had to walk to Netflix.

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I don’t understand, but I also don’t care… so it works out.

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I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

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Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

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What if you went to ET’s planet and all of the other ET’s were wearing clothes?

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I hate everyone in front of me at this checkout line, everyone behind me is cool.

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I could post “hello” and there’d be a 20 day argument in the comments.