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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

And for my next trick, I will turn yesterday’s sweatpants into today’s sweatpants.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I think it’s time we acknowledged how incredibly stupid most super wealthy people are.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

They should invent a DoorDash but for a kiss goodnight and getting tucked in.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

I’m already cold. I know me and my low iron ain’t gonna survive winter.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

I can’t wait to retire so I can get up at 6 a.m. and go drive around really slow and make everybody late for work.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

If you bought 1 Bitcoin ten years ago, it would now be worth 1 Bitcoin. Let that sink in.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

This post ain’t gonna like itself, damn.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,554

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Reddit:

The only men you can trust is ramen.

Making waves on TikTok:

This summer went by so fast, I didn’t even get a chance to lose any weight.

Breaking via Pinterest:

If you turn your phone off for 1 day, you’ll realize it’s still 2007 outside.

Seen just now on Slack:

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

Breaking via WeChat:

I set up my Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, Mary, Joseph and all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

Trending via Discord:

Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

Going bananas on WeChat:

We need to stop telling AI that it’s paintings are bad. That’s how Hitler got started.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Still holding out hope that these intrusive thoughts are just gas.

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

2 months ago

0

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🤣 "Why rush through the day when you can already be mentally at the finish line, right? Starting the day with the end in mind is like skipping to the last page of a book – efficient and slightly rebellious. Here's to embracing the anticipation of bedtime before breakfast!" 😆🌙

begin, day, end, every, forward, humor, i, look forward, looking, motivation, perspective, routine

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

0

2 months ago

anger, angry, critique, entertainment, generation, humor, i, music, real, reason, sucks, think
I just borrowed some money from a cash app, now I’m about to uninstall it.

0

2 months ago

app, app usage, borrowed, borrowing, cash, cash app, debt, finance, humor, i, just, money, uninstall, usage
Whenever I see an athlete eating quark, I get sad, because the quark could have been turned into cheesecake.

0

2 months ago

athlete, cheesecake, dessert, eating, food, humor, i, irony, quark, sad, sadness, whenever
This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.

0

5 months ago

after, clothes, family, household, humor, i, just, laundry, lot, nerve, sarcasm
Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

0

2 months ago

better, confidence, doing, hate, here, humor, imagine, irony, job, just, me, much, myself, over, sarcasm, self-hate, self-improvement
In a parallel universe, there’s a happy me.

0

2 months ago

alternate, alternate reality, happiness, happy, humor, imagination, me, parallel, parallel universe, reality, self, universe

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on TikTok this month:

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

36 shares on Reddit this month:

Girls on their period: stay away from me; I need you.

32 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s always fun listening to someone’s lie when you already know the truth.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

Every time I see an odd screw on the floor somewhere, I think one of my loose ones has finally come out.

20 shares on YouTube this month:

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

32 shares on Telegram this month:

I absolutely loooooove getting in the bed. The excitement of finally laying down? Unmatched.

78 shares on Twitch this month:

I wouldn’t trust a single one of you with a flying car.

37 shares on Facebook this month:

Welcome to your 40’s: you get excited about avocados now.

46 shares on Reddit this month:

Regrettably, my children appear to have befriended a child I find annoying.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

The evening news: Where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it’s not.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My bad habits got renewed for another season.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I absolutely loooooove getting in the bed. The excitement of finally laying down? Unmatched.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The Epstein files are real, but they can’t figure out how to convert them to a PDF.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Life can be so beautiful, you just can’t get sober.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

He just walked right into my heart and switched on the lights.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Hear me out. A waiting room where the doctors wait.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If your drinking story doesn’t involve law enforcement, I’m not listening.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish laying in bed all day made me rich.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone at my job mentioned severance, and I was like, “Oh my God, I love that show,” and they said, “No, I’m about to get fired.”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe there’s an alternate universe where onions cry when they chop up humans, you don’t know.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,426

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

ChatGPT, what do you do when you find out your boyfriend’s been using ChatGPT to write you messages?

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

An orgy where everyone looks identical is called a doppelgängerbänger.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

I wonder if the fall of Rome was this stupid.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Gnocchi: The small, chubby children of spaghetti and potatoes.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

Every group chat has that one person who never replies, and it’s me.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

Seen just now on Slack:

Laundry day is my favorite day of the week. That’s why I dress for it every day.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I had big plans to sleep in today, but my bladder canceled.

Just landed via Snapchat:

The horror of being warned that the person you’re about to meet is “fine once you get to know them”.

Shared recently on YouTube:

When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

Just landed via TikTok:

I never learned to swim because I didn’t think it would ever be more than an hour since I last ate.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

Breaking via Facebook:

I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

Spotted on Instagram:

Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

Spotted on Slack:

(to the boys in the yard) I hope you brought your own milkshake.

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