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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

The evening news: Where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it’s not.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

We could have high-speed rail that connects the entire country, but instead we get AI porn bots that steal all of our drinking water to entertain the dumbest people alive.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

You never realize what you have until it’s gone. Toilet paper is a good example.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

Pressure washing is like regular washing but with a lot of yelling and tight deadlines.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Please do not ask a bookworm if they are going to finish the books they have before buying more. It is very offensive in our culture.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

I love when men go on diets they will be like “let me go for the healthy option”: the buffalo chicken quesadilla.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,656

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

Sometimes you just need to eat shredded cheese straight out of the bag.

Going viral on Messenger:

Girls don’t actually shop. We just walk round touching the clothes saying ‘this is cute’.

Seen just now on Slack:

Bacon should be free for anyone having a bad day.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I like my bacon like I like my men, slightly burnt and crispy, and probably killing me slowly.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I’m a work in progress that hasn’t made much progress.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Accidentally falling asleep is always the best sleep — and that’s so irritating.

Just landed via YouTube:

Just paid rent. Now I have a place to starve in.

Spotted on Twitch:

90% of the ocean is unexplored, which means there could be a McDonald’s down there.

Freshly posted on X:

You can add “cha cha cha” to any sentence you want without explaining yourself. Nobody really appreciates this.

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

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I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.
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Commentary:
"Love the travel stories, but maybe it's time for a return trip! 🚀😄✈️"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on Facebook this month:

Can’t think of a single time the MGM lion advanced the plot of the movie in any way. Just needless jump scare.

73 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

39 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

70 shares on Slack this month:

Promising I won’t tell anyone your secret doesn’t include my husband. He’s basically my diary.

42 shares on Reddit this month:

Starting a new life today, bye.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

The way people who are really into each other look moments before kissing is so hot. It’s like seeing a glimpse of cannibalism.

76 shares on YouTube this month:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

13 shares on TikTok this month:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

56 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

46 shares on Instagram this month:

Spotify wrapped is like my annual mental health report and it’s getting worse by each passing year.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I have now learned the moonwalk. It’s visually the coolest way to get fresh dog poop off the soles of your shoes.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My dogs have learned that whenever they hear the f-word in the kitchen, there’s now food on the floor.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The absolute injustice of being asked to come and take away the boxes of junk that you’ve been storing at your parents’ house for 20 years.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little riddles you get to solve later.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The only talent I have is spending more than I bring in.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My OnlyFans is just me loading the dishwasher correctly.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

This is the dumbest apocalypse ever.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,662

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

We are gathered here today because our ancestors didn’t have condoms.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Hit the vape till it tastes like technology.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

I like how my fridge also hums when it’s trying to concentrate.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Sorry for zoning out, bro. It’s just, I’ve been having a bad day for several years.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

I predict the next world war will be artificial intelligence versus genuine stupidity.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Whenever I’m willing to sell my soul, there’s usually food involved.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

If you like constant interruptions when you’re trying to get something done, then parenting might be for you.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

None of this is happening. It’s all in your phone.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

It’s crazy how social media convinced us that 15 likes aren’t enough. Imagine 15 people in real life telling you that you looked good.

Going viral on Messenger:

I hope this 17th text in a row with no response finds you well.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

Going viral on Slack:

Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Accordion to current studies, 90% of you did not realize that this sentence started with a musical instrument.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Hey there, Delilah, we know you broke that dude’s heart.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My entire life changed once I found out that a crush is just a lack of information.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Spotted on Telegram:

It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

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