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Commentary:
"Riding a bike after years be like: 'Is this how Lance Armstrong did it? I need some of whatever he's having!' 🚴‍♂️💊 Just wait until the world sees your comeback in the Tour de Suburbia!"

activity, armstrong, around, bike, block, drug, drugs, enhancing, enhancing drug, exercise, humor, i, lance, Lance Armstrong, nostalgia, performance, time, understand

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.

0

2 months ago

50, biology, body, bones, cells, energy, humor, i, morning, muscles, sleep, time, wake, wake up
She was rare. Like a parking spot in the front row on a rainy day.

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2 months ago

comparison, day, front, front-row, humor, parking, parking spot, rainy, rainy day, rare, row, spot, uniqueness
Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

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2 months ago

around, clean, day, follow, garbage, garbage can, house, humor, i, kids, mind, need, never, parenting, robot, Roomba
If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

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2 months ago

car, ceiling, drive, driving, duck, garage, head, humor, i, keep, parking
The rule should be: if you can smell the cookout, you’re invited to the cookout.

0

2 months ago

cookout, event, food, fun, gathering, invitation, outdoor, rule, smell, social, social event
At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.

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2 months ago

age, aging, big, big break, break, career, hip, humor, life, life transition, mean, perspective, transition, where

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

67 shares on WeChat this month:

I use karate strictly as a last resort, after I’ve exhausted fleeing and screaming.

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

22 shares on Telegram this month:

The more attention you get on this website, the less you enjoy being on it.

46 shares on Twitch this month:

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

No HR complaint formed against me shall prosper.

80 shares on WeChat this month:

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

62 shares on Instagram this month:

All our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All our cats think we got fired for being lazy.

90 shares on Slack this month:

The horror: “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

It’s like 10,000 yawns when all you need is a nap.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

My mind is like someone dumped the entire junk drawer on a trampoline.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Relationship status: We have changed from “I love you” to “I love YouTube”.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

My husband loves when we fight, and I turn it into a limited series called And Another Thing.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

If you collect the crumbs from one Nature Valley granola bar, you can make three more granola bars.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Just once I’d like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear “Monday has been cancelled,” and then go back to sleep.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

My friends wife threatened to leave him over his Star Wars collectibles and I was like “divorce is strong in this one”.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Career anxiety hitting at random hours of the day.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

If we’re walking together, just know I’ll definitely bump into you because I can’t walk in a straight line.

Trending via Snapchat:

What is rizz if not swag persevering?!

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Every day, a new coworker asks if you’ve used ChatGPT, and the conversation doesn’t end if you say “No.”

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Are you in love with me yet or do I have to post another Spotify link?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

Seen just now on TikTok:

If you’ve never had a cheeseburger change your mood, you’ve never had a cheeseburger.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

According to my calculations, we’re all screwed.

Live now on Telegram:

I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

Just landed via WeChat:

I can’t explain it, but I am very bold and very shy at the same time.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I have 206 bones, 650 muscles and 50 billion cells in my body. It takes time to wake up all of them up in the morning.

She was rare. Like a parking spot in the front row on a rainy day.

Never mind a Roomba, I need a robot garbage can that will follow my kids around the house all day.

If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

The rule should be: if you can smell the cookout, you’re invited to the cookout.

At the age where a big break could mean either my career or a hip.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨