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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Rain cancels plans, upsetting some and delighting others.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

The sweet potato is the kindest vegetable.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

It’s amazing, when it’s your birthday you really feel the love from family, friends, lovers, former dentists, yoga studios and various smootheries.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

I hate everyone in front of me at this checkout line, everyone behind me is cool.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m not tispy. I’m merry.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

If we start dating now, we could be feeding each other deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and breaking up before we have to exchange gifts for Christmas.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

Not to brag, but what a time to be childless.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,295

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

Live now on Telegram:

Clicked on ‘Make a reservation’ on a restaurant’s page, and it opened FaceTime and started calling them. I cannot stress enough how much I do not want that to happen.

Breaking via Slack:

About to form my very first opinion.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Spotted on Messenger:

“Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.

Spotted on Threads:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Shared recently on Telegram:

If we start flirting now, we could be in matching pajamas on a Christmas card before the holidays.

Live now on Messenger:

I’m a comedian. My pronouns are ha/ha.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I would love to have children one day. Two days maximum.

I saw an ad for the ultimate dog bed, but my dogs already have the ultimate dog bed. It’s called my bed.

Witty quote about dogs and beds, playful and humorous in tone.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah yes, the classic tale of the "canine couch coup" 🐶🛏️😂 Looks like you're just along for the ride in their kingdom!

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

34 shares on Reddit this month:

I have no use for mean people. I’ll walk right past you like you’re furniture.

76 shares on Facebook this month:

Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

62 shares on Instagram this month:

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

78 shares on Discord this month:

I miss when people didn’t talk on speakerphone in public.

84 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My dental hygienist is probably thinking, I bet i could braid this guys nose hair.

85 shares on X this month:

My theory is that women’s voices contain frequencies that men simply can’t hear.

94 shares on X this month:

The sun is so successful because it has the perfect bedtime and morning routines.

10 shares on X this month:

My sweatpants sat me down and said they want me to get an office job again.

50 shares on Slack this month:

Babe, you have to believe me. I followed that porn star because I like her political views.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

Apparently you’re not supposed to announce that there’s been a death in the family every time you kill a houseplant.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Living alone is so dumb, you’ll be asking your pets if they’ve seen your phone, and those lazy bastards never know.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Every cat is a little celebrity to me.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

We like to vilify hot people, but it’s important to know that people who aren’t hot are also terrible.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Right before rock bottom, you’ll have a city builder game on your phone.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Me, adding fuel to the fire: I’m just here to help.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The older I get, the more I lose my looks. But I’m also losing my eyesight, so it’s not my problem.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t care for small talk. I prefer awkward silence.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

It is very hard to set aside the time to do your taxes when you are really busy doing other things like eating a snack or looking around the room.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,478

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean it won’t be a good time.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Might quit my job to focus on summer.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

Legos are too expensive nowadays. They should go back to costing as much as they did when my parents paid for them.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

It’s like ten thousand views when all you need is a like.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

You can chill with someone a whole day at the university, and never see them again in your life, lol.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.

Spotted on Discord:

If only men knew the power “I made reservations, I’ll pick you up at 7” held instead of “I don’t know, whatever you wanna do.”

Just landed via Snapchat:

If someone texts “Do you have a minute,” it’s a trick. Don’t fall for it.

Making waves on YouTube:

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

They should invent someone who holds me.

Just shared via Telegram:

Therapy is life letting you speak to the manager.

Breaking via Threads:

Every cat is a little celebrity to me.

Trending via Instagram:

Interrupt my sleep and I’ll interrupt your breathing.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I’m here by unpopular demand.

Going viral on Twitch:

I could be staring at my hand locking my front door, and I still won’t feel 100% sure my front door was locked.

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