Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

Every frozen pizza is a canvas that needs an artist’s touch.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

A big shout-out to all the beekeepers. Our unstung heroes.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Once I see a vein on your forehead while we arguing, I’ll let you be.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Thank God I have a cat. Who else is gonna shit in this box I have?

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Halloween is the only day you can ghost someone and blame it on being festive.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

I relate to a rooster because I also want start off my day by screaming.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Being single is better than asking a man to act like a man.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

If only my bank balance was as high as my daily calorie intake.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,710

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

I love saying “You’re welcome!” really loudly when someone hasn’t thanked me.

Trending via Pinterest:

Opening a Star Wars pub called Bar Bar Binks.

Just landed via X:

“So, what are your hobbies?” Oh, I can’t afford any.

Just shared via Threads:

Uber sends notifications like “Hey, want to take an Uber right now?” No thanks, buddy. It’s more for when I need to go somewhere.

Trending via Twitch:

No, I’m not “dating anyone.” I’m really busy playing outside.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Men will ruin your whole life and come back and like your Instagram story.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

Breaking via Pinterest:

If GPT-5 will have ‘Ph.D.-level intelligence’, then GPT-6 will have the intelligence of someone who decided not to get a PhD.

Just shared via Instagram:

Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

Making waves on Threads:

My life coach traded me.

I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"From party animal to laundry aficionado 🌧️🧺 Who knew adulthood would hit harder than a hangover? 💃🏻 #LaundryOverLateNights"

adulting, change, check, day, forecast, good, humor, i, laundry, life, life change, next, night, party, priorities, used, weather

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

0

2 months ago

career, compatible, humor, joke, lifestyle, most, unemployed, unemployment, work
Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick one person you hate, and blame them for everything.

0

3 weeks ago

blame, blaming, everyone, everything, hate, humor, person, pick, problem, problems, sarcasm, stop
I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

0

2 months ago

character, dislike, entertainment, hate, hour, humor, i, life, likable, likable character, movie, need, people, show, shows, sick, spend, spending, spending time, time, TV, TV Show, where
I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

0

2 months ago

activity, back, best, childhood, days, finding, fun, fun activity, hide, hide and seek, hiding, hiding place, i, love, nostalgia, place, playing, seek, simplicity, stress
Imagining how cathartic it must feel to send forth thousands and thousands of bats from your Transylvanian manor.

0

5 months ago

bat, bats, catharsis, feel, gothic, humor, imagination, manor, send, Transylvania, vampire
As a kid, I didn’t understand the subtext of ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ at all. I thought Mommy was cheating.

0

2 weeks ago

cheating, childhood, Christmas, claus, family, humor, i, kid, kissing, misunderstanding, mommy, Santa, Santa Claus, saw, song, thought, understand

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Snapchat this month:

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

63 shares on Messenger this month:

Which is it, brain? Does nothing matter or do I need to be anxious about everything?

30 shares on Twitch this month:

The word synergy sounds like a mix of the words sin and energy. Like, to be debauched but to do it with flair and zest.

62 shares on X this month:

Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

49 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

12 shares on TikTok this month:

Driving home, listening to Gangsta’s Paradise, with my hands at 10 and 2.

12 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You gotta wonder why they just don’t make all bread garlic bread.

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When things get hot, they expand, so I’m just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

14 shares on Facebook this month:

My optimism doesn’t come out of thin air. A flask is involved.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

Went jogging and came back after five minutes because I forgot something. Forgot I’m out of shape.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to give up.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

I hate to brag, but I’ve been the biggest mistake of numerous people’s lives.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Life’s too short to remove the USB drive safely.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Not to brag, but I just walked upstairs and remembered why.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Waffles are just pancakes with abs.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

If Shakespeare were being born today, he’d be “Shaxxespyr.”

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

American homes are so strange because, why is your front door in the living room?

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

Shutting up is gluten-free. Maybe add that to your diet, princess.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

US etiquette question: Do you need to tip the guy at the border who reads your last five years of social media history?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

If you call me “daddy” in bed, I will immediately stop what we are doing and make you clean your room.

Shared recently on YouTube:

When I retire, I’m going to run for office.

Just landed via Threads:

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

Making waves on Threads:

You ever just see a tree and be like, “Bob Ross would’ve liked this one”?

Spotted on Discord:

If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Ever since I was young, I wanted to check my email for a verification code.

Shared recently on Instagram:

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

Going viral on Slack:

Robert De Niro always looks like he just smelled a nasty fart.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick one person you hate, and blame them for everything.

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

Imagining how cathartic it must feel to send forth thousands and thousands of bats from your Transylvanian manor.

As a kid, I didn’t understand the subtext of ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ at all. I thought Mommy was cheating.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨