I wonder what the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing now.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I hate when my cat runs into my bedroom and hisses at an empty chair, then runs back out again; and I then have to fall asleep holding a crucifix.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

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Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

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I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

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Ladies, if a man says he will fix something, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

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Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.

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Imagine how much better the world would be if everyone set aside their differences and came together as one to buy me a castle.

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Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

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When you’re late for work, you gotta walk in fast and act like you’re mad.

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When someone giving me directions says, “You can’t miss it,” I would love to tell them just how wrong they were if I could find my way back to them.