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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Telling the cop I’ll give him his nose back if he lowers his firearm.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

My favorite childhood memory is not paying bills.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Even when I look up the slang of today’s kids, I still have no idea what it means.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

If the shampoo and the conditioner finish at the same time, one of them faked it.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

My step counter doesn’t judge. For him, steps to the fridge are just as valuable as a walk.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Please don’t use fear to manipulate me. Much more effective to use cake.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

To be blocked is to be seen and to be seen is to be loved.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

This is actually worse than Biff Tennan’s future.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,424

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Slack:

I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

People who like sweet potato fries can’t be taken seriously and deserve shame and ridicule.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Hey (with the intention of making your fries my fries).

Live now on LinkedIn:

Due to inflation, you can now eat food that has been on the floor for up to 7.3 seconds.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Even worse than the buzzing of the mosquitoes is the moment when it suddenly stops.

Spotted on Discord:

It whistles, doesn’t it? Your head when it’s windy.

Just shared via TikTok:

It’s so important to warm up before any physical activity, like getting out of bed.

Just landed via Twitch:

Men have feelings too! Hunger, for example. Or thirst.

I wonder what the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing now.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Maybe it's switched to storing random song lyrics or food delivery menus instead! 🧠📱🎶🍔 #EvolutionOfTheBrain

brain, distraction, doing, humor, i, memory, nostalgia, number, numbers, phone, phone number, store, technology, used, wonder

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Being awake is the worst.

0

2 months ago

awake, being, humor, sarcasm, sleep, tiredness, worst
That’s not my girl bestie, that’s my platonic wife.

0

2 months ago

bestie, friendship, girl, humor, platonic, relationship, wife
Be the reason why your local woods are haunted.

0

2 months ago

activity, fun, ghost, haunted, humor, local, reason, woods
I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

0

2 months ago

baby, belly, bigger, diagnosis, expectation, humor, i, imaginary, inside, joke, pregnancy, read, surprise
Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

0

2 months ago

am, animals, bus, cow, here, humor, i, left, me, right, scenery, sheep, stuck, travel, view
Glasses don’t make you look smart, everyone knows you had to fail a test to get them.

0

2 months ago

education, everyone, fail, glasses, humor, irony, knows, perception, smart, test

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Messenger this month:

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

51 shares on Instagram this month:

Sex is cool, but have you ever received reassurance without asking for it?

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

I highly recommend having hobbies. It distracts you from things like falling in love.

74 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Life is giving me no lemons. It’s throwing watermelons.

91 shares on Slack this month:

Do mens sneezes get louder and louder as they age until they explode?

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t wanna brag, but my posts are unpopular on all continents.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

I wonder if the scariest moment ever in history has happened yet.

67 shares on Snapchat this month:

Cleaning a house with children in it is like shoveling snow on the North Pole.

26 shares on X this month:

I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

The secret to work life balance is generational wealth.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

For whom the doom scrolls!

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Shout out to the people getting $400 hotel rooms on Feb 14th to do the same two positions they do at home.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Drilling for oil is well boring.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Way too many low IQ conspiracy theories floating around. Give me high IQ conspiracy theories.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

My ducks: in a row. My elephant: addressed. My eggs: several baskets. My bigger fish: fried.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

The reason I don’t trust polls is because the people being polled are people who willingly answer the phone when an unknown number is calling them.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

Nothing you want to do has a timeline.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Having a Bible verse in your bio doesn’t make you a good person.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Going bananas on Telegram:

The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.

Going viral on Facebook:

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

Trending via Reddit:

I wish that reading books in the park were my job, and I got paid six figures for it.

Just shared via X:

Kid, I have jeans older than you.

Spotted on Facebook:

Pasta is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.

Going viral on Twitch:

Someone called me strict today, and that means a lot to me because I’m a recovering people pleaser.

Just shared via TikTok:

The next man who speaks to me will be sacrificed to the gods for a bountiful harvest.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I’m so disappointed when I help my kid with her homework, and she brings it home marked incorrect.

Breaking via WeChat:

“I’ve tasted going back to an ex, and I’ve tasted trying to fix a relationship before it breaks. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 10 p.m.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I wonder what the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing now.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Being awake is the worst.

That’s not my girl bestie, that’s my platonic wife.

Be the reason why your local woods are haunted.

I have read that there are imaginary pregnancies. The belly gets bigger and bigger, but there is no baby inside. Finally a diagnosis.

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

Glasses don’t make you look smart, everyone knows you had to fail a test to get them.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨