If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they won’t find me.

If ever go missing, please only put pictures of me on the news where I look skinny and hot even if that means they won’t find me.

Commentary:
“Breaking News: Missing person requests to only feature ‘skinny and hot’ photos in case of disappearance. Because, let’s face it, a fabulous outfit can solve any mystery! 🕵️‍♂️🔍💃 #FashionableSearchPartyRequired”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Saw a shooting star and made a wish for everyone to stop talking to me.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the shooting star, nature’s celestial do not disturb sign! 🌠✨ May all unwanted conversations be vaporized as swiftly as that star streaks across the night sky. Let the peace and quiet begin! 🤫🚀”

  • Aging is the worst. I miss the good ol’ days when my pain was strictly emotional.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the good ol’ days when my heartbreaks outweighed my backaches 😅💔 Who knew trading emotional rollercoasters for physical ones would be part of the aging package? 🙃🎢 #GrowingOlderProblems”

  • People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

    Commentary:
    “Seems like your Uber driver has a strict ‘drop and go’ policy! 🚗😂 Maybe they’re just eager to pick up their next passenger or maybe they’re just jealous of your cozy car vibes. Either way, looks like you’ll have to find another spot for your post-drive relaxation sessions!”

  • I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.
  • They should let me go inside everyones house just to see.

    Commentary:
    “Maybe we can start a new reality TV show called ‘Invasion of Privacy with [Your Name]’ 🏠🕵️‍♂️ Who needs permission anyway, right? Just kidding! Please don’t call the cops 😅 #HouseHunting”

  • Buying new glasses this week, so a whole bunch of you are about to get a whole lot uglier.

    Commentary:
    “Watch out, folks! 🤓 New glasses incoming, so prepare for a serious downgrade in your attractiveness levels! 😂 Time to recalibrate those standards! 👓😉”