I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

Commentary:
“Ah, a true connoisseur of the finer things in life! 🍷💬😬 Who needs boring hobbies when you can excel at the art of intriguing conversation and keeping things spicy? Cheers to being fabulously unconventional! 🥂💁‍♂️😜”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

    Commentary:
    “Arguing with little kids is like going toe-to-toe with a tiny tyrant armed with sass and an endless arsenal of ‘whys’ 😂👧 Let the battle of wits with the pint-sized foes begin!”

  • Job applications be like “how did you hear about us?”. Bro why, was it a secret?

    Commentary:
    “Job applications out here asking ‘how did you hear about us?’ 🤔 Oh, was it supposed to be a top-secret mission to find a job? 🕵️‍♂️😂 Maybe they’re just testing our detective skills while we’re desperately searching for employment! 🔍🕵️‍♀️ #JobSearchMystery”

  • Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, elections – where suspense is high, nerves are shot, and family dinners get a bit awkward! 🗳️😬 Just hoping for a clean bill of health for democracy! 🤞🏥 #ElectionDayDrama”

  • I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

    Commentary:
    “Sounds like that thief just couldn’t handle the hard-hitting fashion choices of the homeowner! 💥 Who knew a walk-in closet could double as a ninja ambush? 🕶️🪓 Here’s hoping the next intruder at least leaves a note praising your impeccable taste in clothing! 📝👗 #ClosetConcussions”

  • Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs therapy when you have food to lift your spirits 🍔🍟🍕? It’s the ultimate see-food diet – you see food, you eat it, and voila, instant happiness! 😂🍦 #FoodIsBae”

  • If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

    Commentary:
    “Oh, the perils of overthinking and getting caught in the act! 😅 Next time, consider thinking about what you’re thinking about before thinking about thinking… Or just pretend to have deep thoughts about the mysteries of the universe instead! 🤔🤭”