Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Social media is mental suicide.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has copied:

The recipe I’m making specifically says allow to cook undisturbed, and yet my whole family is standing in the kitchen.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

How do you react when you see someone you respect on an e-scooter?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

I want to clarify that what I publish on social media does not define me as a person; I am worse.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Me, watching porn: they’re just going to let that pizza get cold?

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

The empty spot in your bed is for snacks, not liars.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Not many quicksand-related deaths since the 1970s. Thank God the authorities got that nightmare under control.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

75% of being a divorce lawyer is just answering emails from clients saying, “No. No. No. You absolutely cannot do that, no.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

3,627

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

I am a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

Trending via WeChat:

Sometimes I think about starting a podcast and then I remember all I do during conversations is nod.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I just feel like we shouldn’t have a new year until we get this one right.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.

Trending via Messenger:

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

Making waves on LinkedIn:

And to my children, I leave 127 open tabs on Safari.

Just landed via WeChat:

Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Please don’t use fear to manipulate me. Much more effective to use cake.

Spotted on Twitch:

May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.

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If I ever get the death penalty, I hope “by chocolate” is an option.
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Commentary:
"If life gives you lemons, ask for chocolate! 🍫🔪 The ultimate sweet escape from the bitter end! 😄 #DeathByChocolateGoals"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on Reddit this month:

Genuinely nothing worse than going bowling with people who are actually good. Like, why are you doing all that?

61 shares on Instagram this month:

If you drink enough, any bar can be a karaoke bar.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

If barking at nothing was an Olympic sport, my dog would win gold.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

People will be like “there is no right or wrong way to do it” until you do it the wrong way.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The older I get, I realize my mom was right, but I just didn’t like her tone.

16 shares on X this month:

Your email finds me deeply unwell. Teetering on the edge really.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

Took a personality test and the results just said “uh-oh”

88 shares on Instagram this month:

Just once I’d like to hear a doctor say, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When a documentary starts with an old person going, ‘We’re a small town, we didn’t lock our doors at night,’ oh, we’re gonna find out what made them start.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Does anyone know if there’s a career in being a piece of shit?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Your honor, my client doesn’t like jail.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Men, it’s really simple. We want everything, but nothing, at the same time or different times, sometimes but not always.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to your parents’ house, where the wifi password is fEtbqP2LVp3U6Hkh

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Quickie so fast, it’s called secs.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

No one my age is single because they’re all unhappily married.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Just did a seductive hair flip and an onion ring flew out.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I think you’re like the cat’s meow, annoying yet sweet.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I use karate strictly as a last resort, after I’ve exhausted fleeing and screaming.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The meteorologist who devised the wind chill factor has died. He was 86, but he felt like 75.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

522 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,115

Funny Quotes Topics

17,265

Funny Quotes Images

15,115

Updated

Dec 25, 2025

Users Online

4,023

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Toast doesn’t talk. How do you know it’s French?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

It triggers the little girl in me when I feel like I’m not being listened to when I’m talking.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

80% of arguments start because someone hasn’t eaten yet.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

If you want to feel really bad about yourself, just start dating.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Japan’s greatest tragedy is having the world’s best toilets and no Mexican food. What’s the point of owning a Ferrari if you never take it to the track?

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

I had a sex dream last night that felt so real, I’m just gonna go ahead and add it to my body count.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Your 20s are for lusting after furniture you can’t afford actually.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

Trending via Reddit:

My lip gloss used to be poppin’, now it’s my knees.

Just landed via TikTok:

Sometimes I have to remind myself to put down my iPhone, go outside, and judge people in person.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Spotted on Reddit:

That awkward moment when you’re about to leave work and your boss says “before you go”.

Live now on TikTok:

Television is better for you than phone. It is like vaping vs smoking.

Making waves on X:

Children are so giving. For example, my kids gave me a cold.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I made a resolution to eat better and exercise in the new year but didn’t specify which year I was referring to.

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