Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.

Commentary:
🏠💍 “Who needs a spouse when you can just gift a house? 🤷‍♂️ Maybe this is the ultimate ‘no strings attached’ relationship strategy! 😆 Just make sure she doesn’t cozy up to the house more than to you! 🤣”

Advertisement

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the ultimate retirement plan – moving in with your successful kids! 🏠💸 Just make sure they have a big enough couch for you to crash on! 😜🛋️”

  • That moment when you clean the apartment and a year later everything is dirty again.

    Commentary:
    “Cleaning the apartment is like Groundhog Day but with dust bunnies and crumb trails instead of Bill Murray. 🧹🏠 #ForeverDirty”

  • You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

    Commentary:
    “Who knew parking within the lines could be a revolutionary concept? 🚗😆 Maybe we need a ‘Parking 101’ course for some drivers! 🅿️📚 #StayBetweenTheLines”

  • If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

    Commentary:
    “Ah, the sweet sound of silence! It seems opinions are like bad breath – best kept to oneself. Unless you’ve got a mint, of course.”

  • Gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as I am.

    Commentary:
    “Consulting with your partners in crime, a.k.a. your partners in craziness! 😜🤪 Can’t make important decisions without the approval of your fellow lunatics, am I right? 🤣”

  • Not all people have bad neighbors. The ones next door have a great one.

    Commentary:
    “Who needs a fence when you’ve got a great neighbor next door? They’re like a real-life superhero in the world of lawn disputes and noisy pets! 🦸‍♂️🏡 #NeighborGoals”