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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Everything’s under control. I just don’t know whose.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

Jesus invited prostitutes to dinner and was praised for compassion. I do it, and suddenly I ‘made Christmas awkward.’

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Men used to build castles for women they love, but now they think replying on time is too much effort.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

You lose some, you lose some more.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

If you get drunk and message your ex, don’t worry. When you wake up, send bitcoin ads and pretend you were hacked.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

Sometimes I look deep into my colleagues’ eyes to check if you really can’t see the back of their skulls.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Twitter is diarrhea of the mouth at its finest. Everyone is just going around vomiting whatever is in their brains.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Outlook just asked me if I’m “enjoying” Microsoft Outlook. As if it’s not the Torment Portal.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

401 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,670

Funny Quotes Topics

17,703

Funny Quotes Images

15,670

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,716

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Instagram:

Hi, I’m online. Would you like to argue for an hour about whether a hotdog is a sandwich?

Trending via Discord:

There should be a withering shamrock emoji so that people can express misfortune or Irish grief.

Seen just now on Discord:

Waffles are just pancakes with convenient boxes to hold your syrup.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Unmarried in your 30s should honestly be rebranded as – ‘Congrats, you didn’t pick the wrong person out of panic’.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

Seen just now on Slack:

Handshakes should be banned. Touch our naked body parts together for all the world to see? Gross!

Seen just now on Twitch:

French is bullshit. They keep changing the translation of ‘soup du jour’ each day.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Being sleepy all day is just part of who I am.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Today is the Mondayest Thursday that has ever been mistaken for a Friday in the history of Wednesdays.

If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When Mercury's in retrograde, my charm must be in overdrive! ✨🔮😉

appearance, astrology, beauty, compliment, humor, interaction, means, pretty, social, social interaction, talk, talking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

2 months ago

cause, commentary, country, fixing, humor, immigration, irony, main, people, satire, social, social commentary, still, want, where, working
There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.

2 weeks ago

available, family, home, house, humor, mom, need, possession, rule, something, yours
Do u guys also have a story in your head, and when you’re bored, you just add more to it and continue from where you left off?

2 months ago

activity, add, bored, boredom, creativity, daydreaming, fun, fun activity, guys, head, imagination, just, left, mental, mental activity, story, where
My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

2 months ago

advice, apocalypse, canned, canned goods, dead, eat, expired, expired food, food, funny advice, goods, humor, pantry, still, survival, takeaway, walking, Walking Dead, zombie, zombie apocalypse
I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

2 months ago

flexibility, humor, i, never, self-awareness, should, situation, splits, thought, where
I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

2 months ago

away, dreams, escape, humor, i, imagination, murder, plan, silly, wake

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on Threads this month:

Smoking weed and watching music videos as the hangout is a lost art.

24 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m glad nobody can see the face I make when I’ve just started the washing machine and then spot a sock on the floor.

18 shares on YouTube this month:

Last night my guardian angel came to me, covered me up, gave me a kiss on the forehead and whispered in my ear: “You’re a pain in the ass!”

40 shares on YouTube this month:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” is not a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

18 shares on Twitch this month:

I avoid drama by being unpopular.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

63 shares on Messenger this month:

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s so hot, ice bears are opening lemonade stands.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you can’t handle me at my weirdest, then leave, because it gets weirder.

84 shares on X this month:

I don’t have any patience because it takes too long.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

This December is not Decembering like the other Decembers Decembered.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

Just cleaned my room in case Beyoncé was somewhere close to my house and her car broke down, and she needed somewhere to sleep.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Sometimes I wish I understood what some of you said and sometimes I am happy that I don’t.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

Over Christmas, some bastard has snuck into my house, gone into my wardrobe, stolen my work trousers, and replaced them with a smaller pair.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Dogs naturally form packs, and if left undisturbed, will teach themselves how to play poker.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Men love when you ask them to explain something to you. It is considered a sign of deep respect in their culture.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Instead of writing letters, let’s wait a week before texting each other back so it still feels like it.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has shared:

Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

Making waves on WeChat:

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

Live now on Telegram:

Petition to bring back payphones in public places. I don’t want to give my kid a phone, I want to give him a quarter.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

Going viral on X:

Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

Just landed via Telegram:

I can still drop it like it’s hot. It’s just a lot harder to pick it back up.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I’m at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to stop for anything on the way home from work.

Just landed via Twitch:

You can’t spell fries without friends. I guess what I’m saying is that fries are friends. Delicious friends.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The main cause of immigration is we’re still a country where people want to go, but we’re working on fixing that.

There’s an unwritten rule: if you need something and it’s available at your mom’s house, it’s yours.

Do u guys also have a story in your head, and when you’re bored, you just add more to it and continue from where you left off?

My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨