12 funny astrology quotes - Wordgag

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

May 30, 2026

No, I’m not depressed. I’m sure there’s just something wrong with the planets or stars or something.

May 30, 2026

If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

May 28, 2026

If I ask “What’s your zodiac sign?” it’s either because we’re vibing or you’re getting on my nerves.

May 27, 2026

I respect the moon because it controls three of our most precious entities: oceans, wolves & women.

May 26, 2026

My bank account is also in retrograde.

May 25, 2026

Is Mercury in reggaeton?

May 25, 2026

Blaming the full moon for whatever unhinged decision I make tonight.

May 25, 2026

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

May 24, 2026

Stop blaming yourself for your failures. Learn astrology and blame the planets.

May 22, 2026

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

May 21, 2026

I’m a Leo so I just eat the other astrological signs.

May 21, 2026