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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

You can have kids or you can always know where your scissors are. You can’t have both.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

You’re not depressed. You just need $250,000 in your bank account.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

At the first signs of a sore throat, you should be given the option of just skipping four days into the future.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Why talk to bots when my plants listen just fine?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

Kendrick inspires me to be a bigger, deeper, more passionate hater.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

My spirit animal is that bird that knocks itself unconscious flying into windows.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

When a man likes you, he talks to you every day, and apparently, when you start to like him back, he is very busy and can’t talk at all. That’s how it works.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,326

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

No plans and no pants kind of day.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

A person becomes 10 times more attractive not by their looks but by photoshop.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Girl math is avoiding shipping costs by buying more.

Trending via Pinterest:

My wife and I are going to quit our jobs and travel until we run out of money. I estimate we’ll be home around 9 p.m. tonight.

Shared recently on X:

I miss when bills were none of my business.

Just landed via Facebook:

If you don’t want to be in love with me that’s fine. You’re entitled to your wrong and very stupid opinions.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

Just shared via YouTube:

Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).

Going viral on Reddit:

My CV is so good, companies are still reading it for 9 months.

Making waves on Twitch:

The moon is literally dragging the oceans around, and you think your body shouldn’t feel it?

If you think I’m funny, you should hear the voices in my head.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Having a committee meeting up there every day 🤪🧠😂

Funny, head, health, hear, humor, joke, mental, mental health, personality, should, think, voice, voices

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Nothing is complicated when you’re simple-minded like me.

0

4 months ago

complicated, humor, me, nothing, self-deprecating, simple-minded, simplicity
I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

0

4 days ago

chores, cleaning, coming, hour, house, humor, i, just, less, maid, me, motivation, need, once, panic-cleaning, procrastination, someone, tell, visit, visitor, week
You’re never too old or too stupid to become older and stupider.

0

2 months ago

age, growth, humor, life, never, old, older, stupid, too, wisdom
People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

0

5 months ago

anger, food, frustration, i, keep, livid, making, me, moan, moaning, noise, over, people
If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

0

2 months ago

communication, humor, nice, positivity, say, something
The more stupid the views, the harder it is to talk people out of them.

0

2 months ago

harder, people, stupid, talk, views

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

55 shares on Slack this month:

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

Taylor Swift is a psyop designed to get my wife to hum little tunes here and there.

42 shares on Slack this month:

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

Body: time to fall asleep. Brain: hey, that’s an interesting thought, here’s six billion more.

68 shares on LinkedIn this month:

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

63 shares on Slack this month:

Elections is like waiting for the results of a biopsy, except half your family hopes it’s cancer.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

My co-workers found out when my birthday is so now I need to find a new job.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

Is the elephant in the room with us right now?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Say what you want about online meetings, but there are few things more liberating than attending a disciplinary hearing naked from the waist down.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Everyone is getting pregnant or married, and I’m back to “What’s your favorite color?“

Someone from 🇯🇵 has viewed:

Do you guys remember when we had to share one desktop computer wіth the whole famіly?

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

A collective orgasm would fix the world.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Can’t say “I’m tired” without my mom making it a competition of who is the most tired and who has more reason to be.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like, why am I always getting all this money?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

Kinda rude that your reward for struggling through stuff is still dying at the end anyway.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Italy stands for I Truly Always Love You.

Just shared via Pinterest:

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

Spotted on Instagram:

Valentine’s Day is a stupid and made up holiday unless someone wants to give me a present in which case I really believe in celebrating it.

Going viral on Facebook:

When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.

Just shared via YouTube:

I’ve never met a problem I couldn’t turn into a disaster.

Just shared via Messenger:

Hey (with the intention of making your fries my fries).

Going viral on Snapchat:

I accidentally clicked on an ad, so I guess I will see that product all over my phone until I’m dead.

Making waves on X:

Oh, Amazon, no. Please do not tell me how many packages I had delivered this year; that is none of my business.

Breaking via Reddit:

“I’d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If you think I’m funny, you should hear the voices in my head.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Nothing is complicated when you’re simple-minded like me.

I don’t need a maid. I just need someone to tell me once a week that they’re coming to visit, and I’ll panic-clean my entire house in less than an hour.

You’re never too old or too stupid to become older and stupider.

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

If you can’t say anything nice, say something funny.

The more stupid the views, the harder it is to talk people out of them.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨