I’m at that point on a Monday where no.

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Several of my internal organs hurt, but I’m 100% sure it’s not my body trying to tell me something.

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Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

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Whoever came up with the spelling for “receipt” was an idiopt.

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I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

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Monday: The only day when you can wear the same outfit from the day before without anyone noticing.

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No matter what’s going on in your life, there’s some form of potato that can make it better.

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I won’t be accepting any parcels for the neighbors in December this year. Last year it was all junk.

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Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean it won’t be a good time.

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“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

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If you want your kid to play with their toy just give it to your other kid. Follow me for more parenting hacks.