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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I’m only staying up until midnight on New Year’s to watch that bloody year die.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

The funniest thing I heard an elder say, “My generation had Wonder Woman, your generation has to wonder if it’s a woman.”

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

Nobody has ever been given a cheeseburger and been upset about it.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Practicing how I’m gonna explain to the aliens that baseline and Vaseline do not sound the same.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Adulting looked way more affordable in the 90’s. I feel scammed.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

I might be annoying, but at least my lock screen isn’t a selfie.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

I avoid clarified butter because I prefer my dairy products to be troubled and confused.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,391

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

Television is better for you than phone. It is like vaping vs smoking.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I’ll let you guys know if the psych ward has wifi.

Seen just now on X:

Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does?

Just landed via Pinterest:

My wife trusts me with a joint bank account but when I’m loading the dishwasher she always walks in the kitchen “to get something.”

Making waves on WhatsApp:

In the baking aisle, booing everyone buying imitation vanilla extract.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

In case any nudes of me should appear somewhere: It was very cold that day.

Trending via Threads:

The best part about NYC is you literally see a brand new, hottest woman in your entire life every single day.

Just shared via Instagram:

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

Spotted on X:

If only my teeth were as white as my legs.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

No, babe, I love your prefrontal cortex. The fully developed ones scare me.

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

2 months ago

0

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs dating apps when you can swipe right on a delicious meal? 🍔🚗 Let's be real, food delivery folks bring joy and sustenance straight to your doorstep – they truly deliver in more ways than one! 😄🍕 #FoodOverDudes"

am, car, dating, delivery, done, food, food delivery, humor, job, people, priorities, relationships, sites

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The crematorium is my last hope for a hot body.

0

2 months ago

body, crematorium, death, fitness, hope, hot, hot body, humor, irony, joke, last
At this point, if I get picked up by aliens, I’m just gonna go ahead and consider it a rescue mission instead of an abduction.

0

3 months ago

abduction, ahead, alien, alien abduction, alien rescue, aliens, consider, extraterrestrial, humor, i, joke, just, mission, picked, point, rescue, rescue mission
Insomnia is embarrassing. How can I be so bad at something that literally involves doing nothing?

0

2 months ago

bad, doing, doing nothing, embarrassing, humor, i, insomnia, irony, nothing, sleep, something
There is a reason I’m single and it’s called my face.

0

2 months ago

dating, face, humor, reason, relationship, self-deprecating, single
Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

0

2 months ago

broken, broken part, calm, calm down, car, engine, engine light, humor, i, light, resilience, run
Oxygen was discovered in 1773. How did our ancestors breathe before then?

0

5 months ago

ancestor, ancestors, before, breathe, breathing, date, discovery, history, humor, oxygen, question, science

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Instagram this month:

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

75 shares on X this month:

Dear predictive text, I am tired of sending people “Thanksgiving” when they send me a recipe or directions.

62 shares on Threads this month:

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

30 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but throw away your disgusting dish sponge.

18 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t post for money or fame, I post because there’s something seriously wrong with me.

53 shares on Threads this month:

I just want someone to miss me the way my 3 year old nephew misses me when I go to the washroom.

56 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The echo in my house when it’s clean is unsettling. Better order more stuff.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

29 shares on Instagram this month:

Robots eating a bowl of cereal that’s actually a bunch of nuts and bolts, you don’t see that as much anymore.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

Tears for Fears: Everybody wants to rule the world. Me: Some of us just want eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The best part about Smarties is pouring them into an empty prescription bottle and shaking them all into my mouth while waiting in line.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Man, you really don’t appreciate not having something in your eye until you have something in your eye.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Beer is like weed for people with jobs.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope whoever came up with the spelling for Wednesday was punished for their actions.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I have a drawer in my kitchen that I can’t open anymore because of that one time I decided to put a spatula in it.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

This is actually worse than Biff Tennan’s future.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Damn, all this overthinking and I still be making dumb decisions.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,559

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

I like to people-watch, but I’m an advanced people-watcher. When I spot another people-watcher, I like to watch them watching other people.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Don’t suffer in silence. Make it everyone’s problem.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

Welcome to college, where every single person is smarter than you, except for the three people in your group project.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Anytime someone throws a Great Gatsby themed party, I have to assume they never finished the book.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

If you innocently act like you don’t know, people will explain dirty words to you and it’s hilarious.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m like the Temu version of a well-functioning adult.

Making waves on Instagram:

I might not put the sparkle in your eyes, but I’ll definitely put the “WTF” wrinkles in your forehead.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

Seen just now on Discord:

Have kids so you can fully appreciate how well your dog listens.

Breaking via WeChat:

In a parallel universe, I go to bed early and wake up fresh and unstoppable.

Live now on Slack:

Maybe aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.

Live now on Telegram:

I wish someone would light up the way Siri does when I say, “Hey.”

Seen just now on TikTok:

People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

Just landed via WeChat:

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

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