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Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I changed my Facebook name to “Benefits.” Now, when people add me, it says, “You are now friends with benefits.”

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Every year, just in time for Christmas, when it’s freezing cold, the Coca Cola truck shows up. Now, in this freaking heat, it’s nowhere to be seen.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

My super talent is hitting every red light on the way to wherever the hell I’m going.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

You know what brought my home value up? Not having an angry man in it.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I highly recommend having hobbies, it distracts you from falling in love unnecessarily.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Female rage is your handbag continuously slipping off your shoulder.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

9am: anything is possible. 2pm: maybe tomorrow.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Heard a recording of my own voice, and now I can never speak again.

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15,753

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

Due to financial reasons, I will now be performing photosynthesis.

Seen just now on Facebook:

That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.

Shared recently on TikTok:

If you step on the back of my shoe and it comes off, I will do the same thing to your head.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If I say goodnight and an hour later you see me online, it’s not that I lied; it’s just that I failed.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Here I am, block me like a hurricane.

Making waves on Threads:

Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.

Seen just now on TikTok:

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

Making waves on Messenger:

Adults should not be twins. Being twins is for children.

Just landed via Reddit:

Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?

Going bananas on Twitch:

I can’t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

“I’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

17 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about sleep sizes and marriage dynamics, humorously questioning divorce rates.

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Commentary:
Wish I could sleep like a king, but my partner insists on queenly proximity! 😂👑🛌

bed, bed size, beds, couple, couples, divorce, divorce rate, interested, king, king bed, marriage, queen, queen bed, rate, relationship, size, sleep

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11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

People who are on Twitter and put intelligent in their bio, good one.

95 shares on YouTube this month:

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

91 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

30 shares on TikTok this month:

At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

14 shares on WeChat this month:

“You win some. You lose some.” Me, after losing for the millionth time in a row.

19 shares on Instagram this month:

If you have a Roomba, but don’t dress it up in little outfits, then what are you even doing?

35 shares on Snapchat this month:

I bet it feels so good for a cat to headbutt someone they adore.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

61 shares on X this month:

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Going through life with a signature I invented as a teenager.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Pepsi & Coca-Cola can’t even be in the same restaurant… and we want world peace.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Had salad for the third night in a row and now I get why you’re so angry, vegans.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I was about to organise my closet, but I then I found what I was looking for.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

Source? It was revealed to me on my walk.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Shutting up is gluten-free. Maybe add that to your diet, princess.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

If you accept a knighthood, you should have to participate in at least one jousting tournament a year. The tournaments should be televised.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

I love it when God gives me money.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Dating over 40 is like Hide and Seek but no one is looking for you.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Dogs will go through amazing effort to get a better view of your plate.

Trending via Facebook:

When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

Trending via Slack:

The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I suck at flirting. I be like “is that so?”

Shared recently on Slack:

That strange moment when you are trying to be serious, but then you accidentally smile.

Going viral on Twitch:

I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

Trending via Instagram:

Just knowing that I have to get out of bed tomorrow is already annoying and it’s not even dark yet.

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Activity Log ✨

“I’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

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Activity Log ✨

“I’m interested in the divorce rate for couples who sleep in queen versus king beds.”

Keep the laugh going 😂

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

I’m only awake because my coffee needs me.

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

I quit boxing the moment I realized my opponent was allowed to punch me in the face, too.

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨