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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

I really think tossing and turning at night should be counted as exercise.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Today, I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word “irony.”

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

My ability to remember song lyrics from the ’90s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the garage.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

When you wish you could tell someone that won’t stop talking “Okay, we’re out of time today”, just like a therapist.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

You’d think someone in the room would’ve spoken up like “hey guys, maybe it’s a bad idea to make one ring to rule them all”.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

That thing they say about getting drunk with the love of your life in a walkable city is no joke. It hits like crack.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Hi, I’m a social media user, you might know me from such hits as “I’m leaving this stupid place” and “I’m back everybody.”

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Some of these fake tans look like an old Tupperware container that’s had marinara sauce in it.

Freshly posted on X:

There’s no post-breakup healing process for girls. You just wake up one day and be like, “Ew,” and you’re free.

Spotted on Telegram:

I just ate, and now I’m going swimming, so I guess this is goodbye.

Shared recently on Twitch:

What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Hold on, I just need to take off my glasses and put my face in my hands about it first.

Just landed via Threads:

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Good morning everyone, who feels like working today? I promise I’ll let you do my job.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

Trending via YouTube:

I love Pinterest. No opinions. No bad vibes. Just pretty pictures.

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
"At my age, the only unnecessary noise I tolerate is my own snoring! 😴🔊 #TooManyDecibels #ExtraFriendsNotIncluded"

age, annoyance, friend, friends, hate, humor, humor quote, i, noise, noises, sarcasm, social, unnecessary, useless, where

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19 shares on TikTok this month:

I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

51 shares on WeChat this month:

All I’m saying is that at first I am shy and then I become a podcast.

69 shares on TikTok this month:

Being a dinosaur sounds kinda nice. No bills, no work, just extinct.

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

You should leave your comfort zone and come to mine instead.

49 shares on X this month:

Why insult someone when you can say something nice in a very sarcastic tone?

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

82 shares on Slack this month:

It’s been too long since I partook in shenanigans.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

98 shares on Twitch this month:

When Chuck Norris was born, the doctor got slapped.

17 shares on Facebook this month:

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

We really grew up in the best era to be a kid, and the worst era to be an adult.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

ASAP can also mean as slow as possible.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

I don’t have any patience because it takes too long.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

Quitting my job to focus on staying inside.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

I bought some coconut shampoo today. I got halfway home before I thought, “I don’t even have a coconut!”

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

After smartphones, we never got pictures of Bigfoot anymore. You know why? That’s right: 5G killed all the Bigfoots.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Girl, whatever you’re going through right now, as long as you’re not pregnant, you’re gonna be fine.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

No, he didn’t ghost you, you just left him speechless, forever.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not dying, it’s just Thursday.

Spotted on WeChat:

You don’t read Dostoevsky. You survive him.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

Just landed via WeChat:

On a dare, my son sprayed deodorant in his mouth. Now he speaks with an Axe scent.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

Going viral on Twitch:

I love how spring sprung and then disappeared again.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

My best friend is married and buying a house. I ate popcorn for dinner.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Airplanes are so weird because how does a giant metal box stay in the air like that, and why am I craving tomato juice?

Trending via Slack:

“I’m great at saving money, as long as I don’t go anywhere, see anyone, or open my eyes.”

Just shared via Telegram:

Naps hit different when you’re using them to avoid being alive.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

At my age, “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what you came in there for.

When your name is Jenn, people think it’s short for Jennifer, but it’s really short for Jennatalia.

The best part of getting older? I can wake up on my day off, without an alarm, at the same time my alarm would go off.

Hey man, be careful on the trampoline, one of my buddies never came back down.

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

Do you think the washing machine and the dryer are actual friends or just work friends?

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

Keep the laugh going 😂

At my age, “getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what you came in there for.

When your name is Jenn, people think it’s short for Jennifer, but it’s really short for Jennatalia.

The best part of getting older? I can wake up on my day off, without an alarm, at the same time my alarm would go off.

Hey man, be careful on the trampoline, one of my buddies never came back down.

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

Do you think the washing machine and the dryer are actual friends or just work friends?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨