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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Not smiling until Friday; nothing is funny this week.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

I usually start exploring the abyss around 7 p.m.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Hear me out, a Q-Tip that doesn’t bounce out the trash can when you throw it away.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Newborns cry because they’re being evicted.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Moving is legitimately one of the worst human experiences.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

When they know you know they did you dirty, they stay gone. And that’s the best thing.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

I came home to find my boyfriend mopping the floor and my first thought was, “who’d he kill?”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,674

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

AI won’t replace me because I’m already useless to society.

Just landed via Instagram:

Just went to the Oreo website and hit “accept all cookies” … and now we wait.

Spotted on Instagram:

Can I come over and look at your Hot Wheels collection?

Trending via Slack:

My intern was born in 2007. I have unread emails older than that.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

Breaking via Instagram:

Apparently, responding to a wedding invitation with “maybe next time” is wrong. I know that now.

Broadcasted on X:

So crazy to just be living every day through the slow-motion car crash of escalating fascism, and it’s still like, “Aww, man, I have to go to the dentist.”

Seen just now on Facebook:

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

Shared recently on Twitch:

Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much.

Seen just now on X:

It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

I’m sorry I used air quotes when I said we were friends.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like I need to brush up on my air quote etiquette! 😅✌️

air, air quote, apology, friends, friendship, humor, i, interaction, said, sarcasm, social, social interaction, sorry, used

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

0

2 months ago

40, arguing, argument, communication, humor, humorous, humorous observation, interaction, internet, internet humor, observation, social, social interaction, spot, standing, text, text argument, texting, through, time, time-wasting, wasting
Folks, please have more respect for people with glasses. Because they pay money to see you.

0

2 months ago

folks, glasses, humor, money, pay, people, respect
My tween would like you to know I ruined his life when I told him to stop being super sus and cringe and be more lit yo.

0

2 months ago

communication, cringe, humor, i, life, lit, parenting, slang, stop, super, sus, teenager, tween
Unfollowing girls on Instagram as soon as they get a boyfriend is something I’ll never stop doing.

0

2 months ago

boyfriend, dating, doing, friendship, girls, humor, humor quote, Instagram, jealousy, media, never, relationship, social, social media, something, soon, stop, unfollow
My middle finger salutes you.

0

2 months ago

attitude, finger, gesture, humor, insult, middle, middle finger, rude, rude gesture, salute, sarcasm
Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.

0

2 months ago

alone, annoying, anxiety, around, avoidance, being, comfort, home, house, humor, introvert, leave, never, people, privacy, public, remember, social, social anxiety, solitude, worry

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Discord this month:

I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

62 shares on Facebook this month:

If Pokémon were real, state fairs would serve them deep fried on a stick.

93 shares on Slack this month:

If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

48 shares on Reddit this month:

I be outside telling people I don’t got social media when they ask.

77 shares on X this month:

Is it possible to die of horniness? Asking for a friend.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

Thinking about taking some time off to focus on cheese.

91 shares on WeChat this month:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

I bet being full feels so good for the moon.

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

My day starts backwards, I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Her heart is a combination of wildflowers and wildfires, delicate, yet so fierce.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

I need an emergency cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

Lorebombing is when you make a new friend in your thirties and you have to catch each other up.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

So tonight me and my phone are playing hide and seek. So far my phone is winning.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

You want me to pay attention to the details? The thing the devil is in?

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

Anyone know if we got the meek inheriting the Earth today?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

I get sad whenever they’re mean to Zoidberg in Futurama.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

Just landed via Facebook:

WFH is so great until you realize you’ve walked about 17 steps all day.

Breaking via Instagram:

The thing I’ve always found tricky about money is knowing how much I should have.

Going bananas on X:

I don’t even want to talk about the things I had to do to that elf to get back on the nice list.

Making waves on Telegram:

Taylor Swift should write a song about when your sleeves keep rolling down every time you wash the dishes.

Spotted on X:

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I can now tell the hour of the day by which part of my body needs a heating pad.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’ve got to start taking better care of myself. Tomorrow I’ll walk to the liquor store.

Going viral on TikTok:

The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m sorry I used air quotes when I said we were friends.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Arguing through text will have you standing in one spot for 40 mins.

Folks, please have more respect for people with glasses. Because they pay money to see you.

My tween would like you to know I ruined his life when I told him to stop being super sus and cringe and be more lit yo.

Unfollowing girls on Instagram as soon as they get a boyfriend is something I’ll never stop doing.

My middle finger salutes you.

Remember, you don’t have to worry about being around annoying people in public if you never leave the house.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨