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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Money is always a motive for murder. Stay broke.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has shared:

Googling “effect vs affect” in an incognito window.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Best tips for saving money: lay down and don’t move.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Just told my cat I’d give her 500 bucks to stop meowing.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Who the hell keeps letting it be Monday again?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Whenever you are feeling down, remember you’re the sperm that won.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

I’ve been ghosted enough to add paranormal investigator to my resume.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

“I’m either extremely productive or staring at the wall like I’m in a Victorian painting.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,609

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.

Making waves on Instagram:

I wonder how many new moms try to pick out a unique name for their baby only to later learn it’s the name of an antidepressant.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

Spotted on Messenger:

If you can’t tell which family member is coming up the stairs by the speed and weight of their footsteps, are you even family?

Spreading quickly via X:

Does running actually get easier if you do it a lot, or is it that you just get more masochistic?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.

Just landed via TikTok:

A pie where there isn’t pastry on the bottom isn’t a pie. It’s soup with a hat.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Happiness is having a large, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Shared recently on Telegram:

If my neighbors would just talk a little louder I could follow along with their conversation, but no. Rude.

Just shared via Discord:

New challenge called “don’t say ‘wow it’s already dark by five these days’ for the rest of winter”

I’m sorry I used air quotes when I said we were friends.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like I need to brush up on my air quote etiquette! 😅✌️

air, air quote, apology, friends, friendship, humor, i, interaction, said, sarcasm, social, social interaction, sorry, used

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Life stopped being real after 2019 anyways.

0

2 months ago

2019, after, being, humor, life, perception, real, reality, stopped, time
If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

0

3 months ago

affection, girlfriend, humor, little, love, psycho, relationship, time
Іf you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

0

2 months ago

alone, being, day, humor, irony, joke, just, loneliness, love, nobody, relationship, remember, sad, single, Valentine, year
I think Australians should have to go three rounds in the ring with a kangaroo before they eat him.

0

2 months ago

adventure, animal, Australia, before, boxing, challenge, eat, fight, humor, i, kangaroo, ring, should, sport, think, three
I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

0

2 months ago

am, America, depression, economy, enter, health, humor, i, mental, mental health, relate, too
When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

0

2 months ago

good, hard, hard to find, hide, humor, i, joke, office, work, worker, workplace

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

80 shares on X this month:

That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.

26 shares on WeChat this month:

Can I get back all those naps I refused to take as a kid? I could really use them now.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

22 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sex is cool but have you ever had your bed all to yourself.

72 shares on Reddit this month:

Life is short. Tell people you love them, so they block you sooner.

40 shares on Discord this month:

Someone at work had a 25-year anniversary, and it took everything in me not to say she’s been working longer than I’ve been alive.

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

66 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

63 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sometimes I see how many vacations people take and I wonder if I’m bad with money or if they are.

74 shares on X this month:

I’m at a point in life where I’m just at a point.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

The inventor of autocorrect walked into a bar and ordered a bear.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Some people peak in high school. I peaked when I realized I never had to see them again.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

Don’t hate me because I can fall asleep within seconds; hate me because I can sleep through the night without having to get up to go to the bathroom.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Facebook:

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

Going viral on Twitch:

Christmas decor isn’t meant to be sleek and minimalist, it is supposed to look like joy threw up in your house.

Just shared via X:

If you look close enough, everyone is insane.

Just landed via Slack:

The plan was simple: finish school, find a job and get married at 25. But now I don’t understand anything anymore.

Just landed via Instagram:

Teens be like, “This is the worst day of my life,” and it’s just that they were told to unload the dishwasher.

Just shared via Discord:

Spotify Wrapped, but for all your bad decisions this year.

Spotted on Reddit:

At least I can say I tried. I didn’t try, but I can say I did.

Spotted on Reddit:

If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m sorry I used air quotes when I said we were friends.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Life stopped being real after 2019 anyways.

If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

Іf you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

I think Australians should have to go three rounds in the ring with a kangaroo before they eat him.

I can relate to America, because I too am about to enter a depression.

When I get to work, I always hide first, because a good worker is always hard to find.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨