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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

I think it is mandatory, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

Absolute worst time of year to have a secret family. Hands down.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

The older I get, the more I understand why people live in the woods and talk to squirrels.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

“You let your cat on the bed?” I would put her on my life insurance.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Dating apps are no place for meeting your soulmate. The best way to find your soulmate is to tweet really good.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

I put the “pro” in procrastinate.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

Nudes are outdated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

There are advantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it. There are disadvantages to living alone: everything always stays where you put it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,737

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Welcome to your 40s—you run out of breath trying to find your running shoes.

Making waves on Messenger:

I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I’m almost finished reading your tweet. Love it so far.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

No camera can do justice to a landscape that melts your heart.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Them: You post a lot. What am I supposed to do here – fold laundry on the timeline?

Trending via Snapchat:

Did anyone else use grocery bags as textbook covers, or was I just that poor?

Seen just now on Facebook:

Sometimes it’s not a secret, it’s just none of your business.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

Just landed via Snapchat:

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

Just shared via YouTube:

Tornadoes are the most relaxing things in the news.

Imagine marrying an old man for money and you die first.

Witty text about marriage and money with a humorous twist.
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Commentary:
"Well, that's one way to secure the bag, just make sure you don't get too wrinkled waiting for your inheritance!"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

Going to McDonald’s to get the Grinch meal, then going to Burger King to get the Spongebob meal. Then disappearing into the forest for twenty years.

94 shares on Twitch this month:

Some people find it strange when you talk to your pet. I find conversations with some people much stranger.

29 shares on YouTube this month:

The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

I just tried to groom my dog myself, and I now fully understand why the dog groomer charges more for a haircut than my own stylist.

12 shares on Discord this month:

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My Christmas letter this year includes a bonus DVD of my colonoscopy.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

Blocking isn’t enough. I wanna throw tomatoes at you like you’re a medieval criminal.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

To me, essential oils are what drips out of tacos.

46 shares on Telegram this month:

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

37 shares on Instagram this month:

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I think the key to happiness is having plenty of money and then telling all the poor people that money can’t buy happiness.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Let’s see how long my Monday slump lasts this time. Last week it was until Friday.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Having divorced parents as an adult is funny because you and your siblings are like, “Damn, who has custody of Mom today?”

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I tell my kids winning isn’t everything and then I steal money from the monopoly bank.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,693

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

Coffee is just goth water.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

The most valuable breed of cow are the Cash.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

I really love how squirrels get extra chubby heading into winter mostly because it’s super relatable.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

25 is the new 0 years old.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

One minute you’re young and fun, the next you’re excited about a new vacuum cleaner.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

I forgot to get milk, so Santa has a cup of Pepsi Max.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Don’t get horny around me; I’m an empath.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

Just landed via Discord:

As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

Going viral on TikTok:

Accidentally turned my clocks back too far and ended up at a Wham concert.

Seen just now on Telegram:

He probably follows so many women because he believes in elevating their voices.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

Spotted on X:

If you wear glasses, we expect a lot from you academically, especially if your glasses have a rope.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The idea of a relationship is so much better than the reality, bruh. I used to be angry at 7 a.m.

Shared recently on Slack:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

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