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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

If at first you don’t succeed, try two more times so your failure is statistically significant.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

Why do moths eat sweaters? Have they tried sandwiches or avocados?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

If you think I’m evil, wait until you meet the man who made me this way.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

If I walk into a girl’s house and she got like 50 plants, I know she’s a keeper because she already takes care of a bunch of useless things. What’s one more?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

We should put a tariff on being mean to me.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Giving out false information so I know who the leak is.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

There’s no way you could go all the way through the desert on a horse with no name, you’d have named it by the end.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

There are three certainties in life: death, taxes and getting stuck behind a shit driver when you’re late.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,242

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

Offering someone food, and secretly hoping, they don’t want it.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.

Going viral on Facebook:

We can put a man on the moon but we can’t find a good way to drink wine from a lying down position.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

Just shared via WeChat:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

Just shared via WeChat:

The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Not to be a nerd, but a well-placed semicolon is hot as hell.

Shared recently on YouTube:

If my house is clean, just know I yelled at everyone for two hours first.

Shared recently on X:

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Just so I understand… is she secretly the CEO meeting translator? 😂🤔💼 #SuperpowerActivated #MeetingMagic"

communication, gender, humor, i, just, meeting, office, professionalism, question, questions, something, understand, understanding, woman, women, workplace

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“Are you busy tomorrow?” That entirely depends on what you need me to do.

0

2 months ago

busy, call, depends, me, need, plans, tomorrow
Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

0

2 months ago

diary, even, going, humor, i, mad, media, post, privacy, reading, social, social media, stuff, things, Twitter
Another day on this hamster wheel to nowhere.

0

3 weeks ago

another, daily, daily grind, day, frustration, grind, hamster, hamster wheel, humor, life, monotony, nowhere, repetition, routine, sarcasm, wheel, work, work life
I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

0

2 months ago

activity, die, friend, friends, ghost, good, hope, humor, i, people, scare, stay, walk, wall, walls
Saying “Who is it?” when the doctor knocks on the exam room door.

0

3 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, doctor, door, exam, exam room, funny situation, knocking, moment, question, room, saying, situation
Sorry, can’t. Calling NASA and making alien noises.

0

2 months ago

activity, alien, call, calling, excuse, humor, making, Nasa, noises, science, sorry

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Threads this month:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

61 shares on Threads this month:

My friends put their kid to bed and then made us ice cream sundaes, which is exactly what I assumed was happening when my parents put me to bed.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.

57 shares on Reddit this month:

Does anyone play Trivial Pursuit anymore, or did it retire with the encyclopedias?

39 shares on WeChat this month:

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

32 shares on WeChat this month:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

93 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t understand how people use plastic wrap successfully.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

25 shares on Threads this month:

If “live each day as if it’s your last” means being paralyzed with anxiety and a sense of impending doom, then I am absolutely nailing it.

64 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Bought an eggplant, imma grow my own eggs.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

German couples probably have less arguments because there’s an exact word for, “I’m fine, just annoyed you forgot the milk again”.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Some nights I stay up hella late just farting.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

My neighbors were up shouting all night. I could barely hear my bagpipes.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

I will die on this hill or any hill really. I have no hill preference.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Sorry I’m late, I believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left in the cycle.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

I composed this post in a way that only the sexy can read it, so congratulations.

Live now on Facebook:

I don’t know much about women, but they love containers that hold smaller containers.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I can’t go to war, I have to water my plants.

Seen just now on Slack:

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

Breaking via Telegram:

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Just shared via Facebook:

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

Breaking via Reddit:

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Christmas can be really hard for single people. Everyone else is having a brilliant time and we have to hide the fact that every day is like that for us.

Breaking via YouTube:

Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

“Are you busy tomorrow?” That entirely depends on what you need me to do.

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

Another day on this hamster wheel to nowhere.

I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

Saying “Who is it?” when the doctor knocks on the exam room door.

Sorry, can’t. Calling NASA and making alien noises.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨