Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

I’m already far too stressed as it is. And then you also have to have time to just sit there and do nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

The cashier said, “Have a good day,” but she doesn’t mean it.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Enemies to lovers is only good if they’re gay. If I wanted to see a man and a woman yell at each other, I’d just go downstairs and eat with my parents.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

I refuse to be bound by the social construct called “the calendar.” Merry Christmas, everyone.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I’m doing a terrific job of not getting anything done today.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

I get jealous when I find someone playing a song I thought only I knew.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

All my life lessons were learned by watching people who took my advice.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Met a microbiologist once. They’re a lot bigger than I imagined.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

All arguments are solvable. The trick? Get naked.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Dec 22, 2025

4,058

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

Trending via Pinterest:

Single bells, single bells, single all the way. Oh, what fun it is to watch those couples fight all day, yay!

Making waves on Reddit:

I wear black because it’s slimming. Exercise is also slimming, but like I said, I wear black.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

Just landed via Facebook:

Damn, didn’t win the lottery. It’s messing up my budget plan.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Captain America taught me that I just need to take performance enhancing drugs to be loved by everyone.

Just landed via Telegram:

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

Going viral on Twitch:

These weekends are starting to feel as long as a lunch break.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

You should be able to like an email instead of replying to it.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Sometimes it’s not a secret, it’s just none of your business.

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

1 month ago

0

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Having a lot of Facebook friends is like having a vast pen collection – it may look impressive, but in reality, only a select few are actually useful! Just like how only one pen writes, only a handful of friends truly engage and interact with you online. Quality over quantity, right?

collection, Facebook, friend, humor, i, media, observation, pen, relationship, social, social media

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

0

1 month ago

answer, budget, cooking, eating, eating out, economy, financial, financial struggle, food, home, humor, joke, money, save, starvation, struggle, tried
People shouldn’t be at the grocery store the same time as me. Get out of the way.

0

1 month ago

crowd, grocery, grocery store, humor, impatience, me, people, same, shopping, store, time
My main career goal at the moment is to find a big bag of money in the woods.

0

2 months ago

adventure, aspiration, bag, big, career, goal, humor, main, moment, money, treasure, woods
Dollar Tree needs to just go ahead and rename it to A Couple Dollars.

0

4 months ago

ahead, bargain, couple, discount, dollar, Dollar Tree, dollars, humor, joke, just, money, name, needs, price, retail, shopping, store, store name, tree
An orgy where everyone looks identical is called a doppelgängerbänger.

0

1 month ago

doppelganger, everyone, humor, identical, identity, joke, look-alike, looks, orgy, parody, satire, where
I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

0

2 months ago

aspiration, beef, beef jerky, food, humor, i, jerky, luxury, money, offended, price, rich, want, wealth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

Pretty sure the guy in front of me at McDonald’s ordered the rest of the food.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

Helvetica is my favorite font that sounds like a heavy metal band.

88 shares on Threads this month:

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

68 shares on Discord this month:

Who wants to do all my adult stuff for me today?

39 shares on X this month:

No place in this world is as dark as my archived chats on WhatsApp.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

88 shares on Discord this month:

Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.

41 shares on Instagram this month:

My dogs don’t feel earthquakes because they have constant gas.

74 shares on Pinterest this month:

I said it was my favorite show, I didn’t say it was good.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a weekend that goes by slowly.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Weirdos gonna weird.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

This quote is invisible. Only people who masturbate a lot can read it.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Thinking about taking some time off to focus on cheese.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a low-quality camera will definitely force you to keep your life private.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,804

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

I don’t need to grow a thick skin. The world needs to grow fewer thorns.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

I must retire to my chambers about this.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Sharing wired earphones is a forgotten form of intimacy.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Unless you’re dead wearing a sheet, you got no business ghosting people.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Aliens, robots, mutant ladybugs — whoever takes over will be better than this.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Sorry, I’m late. I got caught up at home being happy.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

I only trust people who give off unemployable energy.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

Coffee is just goth water.

Going viral on Reddit:

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Panties is such a weird word. Panties. I can’t say it sexy.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’m already sick of tomorrow.

Spotted on Threads:

Does my career know that I’m pursuing it, or is it another one-sided relationship?

Shared recently on Facebook:

I’d be a terrible masseuse. After 5 minutes, I’d be like, “Okay, my turn.”

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Feeling like Floyd in this May weather (illiterate and violent).

Just landed via WeChat:

Spoiler alert: Eventually you will pay a price for the way you treated people.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I want to make you say, “Oh God,” in a way that makes God nervous.

Just shared via X:

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

© 2025. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴