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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

So sad. Elvis died before he could see the Lego movie. He woulda been like, ‘Mama, those blocks are movin’ and shakin.’

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Jackie Chan used to say “I don’t want trouble“ and then break everybody’s legs.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has bookmarked:

The horror of being warned that the person you’re about to meet is “fine once you get to know them”.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

My sweatpants sat me down and said they want me to get an office job again.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

“Some men go months without being hugged.” Okay, then they should just hug each other.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,720

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

The role I play at family gatherings is that of the cousin that doesn’t show up anymore.

Seen just now on X:

Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Why do they make the wine glass so large if you’re not supposed to fill it to the top?

Just landed via X:

If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

Making waves on TikTok:

We got our carpet cleaned today, so I’m just waiting for the dog to throw up.

Spotted on Instagram:

It’s like 10,000 yawns when all you need is a nap.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Remember when we used to jump out of the swings? Those knees were fresh, fresh out the box.

Going viral on Facebook:

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

5 days ago

Witty text about social media friends being like unused pens, humorous and playful.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Having a lot of Facebook friends is like having a vast pen collection – it may look impressive, but in reality, only a select few are actually useful! Just like how only one pen writes, only a handful of friends truly engage and interact with you online. Quality over quantity, right?

collection, Facebook, friend, humor, i, media, observation, pen, relationship, social, social media

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m so smart, I got rid of cable and now I only have $638 in monthly streaming services.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

Love triangle? You mean this Dorito?

71 shares on X this month:

Nothing hurts more than someone not getting your joke.

12 shares on Slack this month:

Cracking the ice cubes out probably feels so good for the ice tray.

54 shares on YouTube this month:

I feel like everyone who has ever had a hamster has some kind of traumatic experience with it.

85 shares on X this month:

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

33 shares on YouTube this month:

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

64 shares on Telegram this month:

The ultimate student paradox: skipping class to avoid stress, only to stress about skipping class!

44 shares on Pinterest this month:

Spotify Wrapped has a special talent for pulling up an artist I’ve literally never heard of and telling me I actually listen to them 2,000 times per day.

16 shares on TikTok this month:

I hope this email makes you quit your job.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry for running at you on all fours, I was excited to see you.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The train announcer just said we should keep our personal belongings with us at all times but I’ve left most of mine at home.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I love being left to my own devices. It’s like yeah, these are my devices.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting older is so fun. Your life goals slowly transition from things like ‘land a dream job’ to ‘successfully grow a cherry tomato.’

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Just got hired at Five Guys as the guy who punches the burger before they put it in the bag.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My sleep apnea was diagnosed at a staff meeting.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,630

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

A thousand curses upon anyone who has ever gone, “Why are you sitting in the dark?” and then flipped the light on without asking.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Sometimes, after I’ve completed a task that wasn’t on my to-do list, I’ll add it and then cross it off for the free dopamine boost.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Ordering 600 pizzas from Washington, D.C., to rug pull on Polymarket.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a second.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Yes, I’d love to learn your family card game. I’m sure it won’t be excruciating at all.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Took a break from social media because my cat was asleep on my phone.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

I’m in a comfy dress today, but I look like a potato in floral. Call me Nelly Flortato.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via X:

I find as I get older it’s the little things that bring me joy. Like embarrassing my children.

Spotted on TikTok:

Sometimes I look deep into my colleagues’ eyes to check if you really can’t see the back of their skulls.

Spotted on Twitch:

The world is such a beautiful place when you don’t think too hard about it or look around.

Just landed via Telegram:

I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

Broadcasted on Slack:

A web developer and an SEO expert walk into a bar, bars, nightclub, pubs, tavern, beer, alcohol, drinks, alcoholic beverages, bars in my area, places to drink.

Spotted on TikTok:

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Damn, all this overthinking and I still be making dumb decisions.

Making waves on Snapchat:

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

Making waves on Slack:

Cake hits so much harder off a plastic fork.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I would be very interested to hear from someone who is ILLEGALLY blind.

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