Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Alcohol is actually a performance-enhancing drug. But you’re not gonna like the performance.
  • Born to say “are you f*****g stupid”, forced to say “wow, I’ve never thought about it like that before”.
  • Only thing that can cure my depression is $500 million.
  • “Excuse me, are you gonna finish those fries?” Me, interrupting a couple fighting.
  • Sometimes I feel like I’m cheating on my recliner with my loveseat, in case you were wondering how emotionally invested I am in laziness.
  • I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.