39 funny Facebook quotes - Wordgag

Facebook should just go back to being Hot or Not dot com.

May 24, 2026

People on Facebook be like “can anyone tell me about a thing I can easily Google myself?”

May 23, 2026

Age is just a number that you keep off of Facebook after 35.

May 23, 2026

Facebook is like a never-ending high school reunion.

May 23, 2026

Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is having salad for dinner tonight.

May 23, 2026

I’ve been on Facebook for so long, I remember when it all used to be farmland.

May 23, 2026

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

May 22, 2026

Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.

May 22, 2026

For a long time, I didn’t know what to do with my strange thoughts. Then I signed up for Facebook.

May 22, 2026

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

May 22, 2026

I hate when an old man tries to friend me on Facebook and then I realize we went to high school together.

May 22, 2026

That moment when you’ve gone through Insta, Facebook, X and the new emails and you know you should start working now. Luckily, there’s YouTube.

May 21, 2026

These days, I only use Facebook as a birthday calendar.

May 21, 2026

Facebook friends are like pens. You may have 150, but only 5 are writing.

May 21, 2026

Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

May 21, 2026

I’ve heard that people who don’t have Facebook use their free time to lie naked on top of each other. Ew, imagine that.

May 21, 2026

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

May 21, 2026

If Facebook has taught us anything it’s that a lot of people aren’t quite ready for a spelling bee.

May 20, 2026

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It’s like Facebook in real life.

May 20, 2026

I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

May 20, 2026

Look at you with tape over your camera, while Amazon, Facebook, and Google have your whole life on file.

May 19, 2026

The true horror genre: my old Facebook statuses.

May 19, 2026

Maybe the four horsemen of the apocalypse are Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.

May 19, 2026

She got me to fall for her, like a boomer seeing an AI image on Facebook.

May 19, 2026

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

Apr 1, 2026

Someone from Facebook Marketplace is coming over to either buy the chairs I have for sale, or to murder me.

Apr 1, 2026

Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

Mar 31, 2026

You can’t fix stupid, but you can watch it in action on Facebook every day.

Mar 31, 2026

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

Mar 31, 2026

Accidentally clicked a post about UFOs, and now my Facebook algorithm thinks I’m a much different person.

Mar 30, 2026

If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

Mar 30, 2026

I spend all day on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can eat.

Mar 30, 2026

I changed my Facebook name to “Benefits.” Now, when people add me, it says, “You are now friends with benefits.”

Mar 30, 2026

By the power vested in me by Facebook, I now pronounce you unfriended and restricted. You may now kiss my butt.

Mar 29, 2026

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

Mar 28, 2026

Parents be like “don’t believe everything you see on the internet” then believe everything they see on Facebook.

Mar 28, 2026

Facebook: because time isn’t going to pass on it’s own.

Mar 28, 2026

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you’re getting a dictionary.

Mar 28, 2026