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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

To steal from one is plagiarism, to steal from many is research.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

*Pointing at a mothers shrieking baby* Is this guy bothering you?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

All day I think about sleep but when it’s time to go to bed I don’t wanna.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Please don’t leave me to my own devices. They’re all out of batteries.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

It’s awesome when people honk at you for not moving when you’re letting people cross. You’re right, bro, I should just annihilate this family of four.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,570

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

I don’t always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don’t know exactly what they do.

Just landed via Telegram:

You’re the human embodiment of an “ugh.”

Broadcasted on Discord:

They should remove the sex scenes from movies and then put them all into one big super sex scene movie they can show in theaters at the end of the year.

Just landed via X:

Stop asking people over 40 what we like to do for fun. You’re not gonna like the answer.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The Cranberries. Great band name. You pick a fruit and you get to work.

Spotted on Reddit:

If I had 50¢ for every math test I’ve failed, I’d have $7.20.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I don’t like to call it a xenomorph — I prefer the term “the alien from Alien.”

Seen just now on Messenger:

That place is so crowded; nobody goes there anymore.

Trending via Instagram:

A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

My girlfriend wants us to try couples counseling and I said we should use my therapist because he already knows what’s wrong with her.

Humorous text about relationship humorously suggesting using the therapist who knows her flaws.
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Commentary:
Sounds like someone already has a head start on their partner's issues! 🙈 Why not kill two birds with one stone, right? 🤣 But hey, at least they're trying to work things out! 💑 #TherapyGoals

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Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m delusional but self-aware, I call that Delaware.

56 shares on Discord this month:

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

100 shares on Snapchat this month:

When life hands me lemons, I put them in the fridge next to the bagged salad I’m also not going to eat.

68 shares on Instagram this month:

Having hoes in different area codes sounds really exhausting.

23 shares on Snapchat this month:

I wanna date someone cuter than me, but sadly I am the cutest.

16 shares on Discord this month:

I feel like you’re allowed to start your day at 4 p.m. if you are pure of heart.

55 shares on Threads this month:

Kinda worried about something. Don’t know what it is yet.

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

87 shares on Reddit this month:

Whenever my Mother-in-Law’s stories end with “And I turned out OK” I’m looking around like who’s gonna tell her.

100 shares on Reddit this month:

It’s funny how you can annoy unhappy people by remaining calm.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Told my homie I was “going through it” and he just said “go around it”.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish people knew how good I can sing when I’m alone in my car and in my shower.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Being single: When you don’t have to wait for someone to watch the next Netflix episode.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m saving myself for my vibrator.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If you sweat while you eat, it should count as a workout.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

When people block me, I just assume it’s for my rugged good looks and killer jawline.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

You should be able to mute someone in real life. Annoying coworker? Silence them for 24 hours by booping them on the nose!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,754

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

You think you’ve seen gold diggers, until you see a male friend group where only one of them made it.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

This is the wrong generation for people with an old soul.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Before the internet, people thought that there was only one idiot per town. We were so wrong.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

If being hydrated is such a great thing, why does it feel like my bladder is pissed off?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Hey, sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

If you say “Excellent choice” after somebody selects a floor in an elevator, you can usually get a pity laugh.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Buying books and reading them are actually two entirely different hobbies.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Ordered a coffee, and the barista said, “Anything else?” and I almost said, “Stability.”

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I could own a thousand summer dresses, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’m still annoyed that you can catch Covid more than once. I can’t explain why, but it feels kind of rude.

Trending via Pinterest:

In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Age is just a number that you keep off of Facebook after 35.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

Making waves on Instagram:

My cats won’t talk to me because I came home late from work.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

Just shared via Threads:

Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.

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