55 funny knows quotes - Wordgag

Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

May 26, 2026

Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

May 25, 2026

My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

May 25, 2026

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

May 25, 2026

Everyone knows that Christmas is the celebration of the immaculate conception of Mariah Carey.

May 24, 2026

Nobody knows what to do with me and I just think that’s beautiful.

May 24, 2026

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

May 24, 2026

Glasses don’t make you look smart, everyone knows you had to fail a test to get them.

May 23, 2026

When I was young I fixed my parents’ computer and now that I’m older I fix computers for my kids. Are we the only generation that knows how computers work?

May 23, 2026

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

May 23, 2026

I offered my nephew a donut and he said “no thanks, I’m not hungry right now” and I don’t think this little guy knows how donuts work.

May 23, 2026

Isn’t it weird that we have one hand that knows how to do everything and then one hand that just sits there like ‘I don’t know how to hold a pencil.’

May 23, 2026

We got the Christmas tree yesterday, and now my wife knows that I was the chief architect working on the leaning tower of Pisa.

May 23, 2026

If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

May 23, 2026

Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

May 22, 2026

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

May 22, 2026

The difference between a songbird and a hummingbird is that one of them knows the lyrics.

May 22, 2026

My girlfriend wants us to try couples counseling and I said we should use my therapist because he already knows what’s wrong with her.

May 22, 2026

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

May 22, 2026

If you hide the Easter eggs while you’re drunk, nobody knows where they are.

May 22, 2026

The great thing about playing the trombone is no one knows if you’re good at it or not.

May 21, 2026

With a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other, concentration is very important, as every summer child knows.

May 21, 2026

I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.

May 21, 2026

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

May 20, 2026

I love surprising my metabolism. It never knows what’s coming—either absolute starvation or 1,000+ calories all at once.

May 19, 2026

The algorithm knows about that thing you like that you’re denying yourself of.

May 19, 2026

I love saying “my man” and not his name, so when I get a new one, nobody knows.

May 19, 2026

I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

May 19, 2026

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

May 19, 2026

Sometimes I think the subway rat is doing better than me. He has a routine, a social circle, and knows where to find the best pizza.

May 19, 2026

Everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about, except for me. I am complaining loudly about my battle. Everybody knows about it.

May 19, 2026

Having a sunburn is so humiliating. Now everyone knows I was unprepared for the realities of the wilderness. It marks me as the weakest link. The hungry animals are closing in.

May 19, 2026

Imagine you’re living inside a tiny mushroom house… with a tiny chimney… deep in the woods… no one knows you exist… you make soup in a tiny pot… you are free.

May 19, 2026

Arab perfumes have zero chill… the entire street knows you’ve arrived.

May 18, 2026

In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

May 18, 2026

A storm knows it’s laced with destruction, and yet it rages on.

May 18, 2026

Slow blinking at my boss so he knows I want a raise.

Apr 1, 2026

Unfortunately, I do love being the only person who knows exactly what I mean and the hidden meaning behind everything I do.

Apr 1, 2026

Being a writer means having a story you want everyone in the world to read, except anyone who knows you.

Apr 1, 2026

Somewhere, a therapist you never met knows about you.

Apr 1, 2026