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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

I’ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Which wine pairs best with WWIII?

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Guys, stop showering. I need the water for ChatGPT.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Unfortunately, I will continue to get sexier and funnier.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Me: what can possibly go wrong though. Anxiety: I’m glad you asked.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

So, you’re telling me I’m just supposed to get up every day and keep living like this? Seems like a scam to me.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

People are always saying “not today, Satan” but what if we just hear him out.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,648

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Me, as a therapist: “OMG, me too!”

Going viral on Instagram:

The French only eat snails because they don’t like fast food.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Girls be like, “I know a spot,” then sacrifice you under the full moon.

Just shared via Discord:

The funniest thing I heard an elder say, “My generation had Wonder Woman, your generation has to wonder if it’s a woman.”

Breaking via Instagram:

The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.

Broadcasted on X:

The only reason to engage with a neighbor is if either of you is on fire.

Just shared via Threads:

Every homemade dinner counts as negative calories because of the exercise we get waving pillows at the smoke detectors.

Making waves on YouTube:

Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

Trending via TikTok:

Somewhere, a therapist you never met knows about you.

Going viral on X:

If you accuse me of yelling, you will start to hear yelling so you can note the difference in the future.

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess it's time for a masterclass in "What Not to Say," starring Bart Simpson! 😂📺🗣️

Bart, family, guys, humor, i, just, kids, man, parenting, second, talk, told, turning, TV, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

0

2 months ago

experience, good, money, music, never, pain, pocket, song, spending, youth
My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

0

2 months ago

before, behavior, child, child behavior, dislike, eater, even, food, food dislike, humor, kid, kids, knowing, parenting, picky, picky eater, superpower
I may not be the smartest or most athletic man in the world. There’s no second part to this, keep scrolling.

0

5 months ago

athletic, athleticism, confidence, humor, i, intelligence, joke, keep, man, most, sarcasm, scrolling, second, self-deprecating, world
I love how one day my body just decided “You know what you really need is some ear hair.”

0

2 months ago

aging, body, day, decision, ear, hair, humor, i, just, know, love, need
“Nothing burger” is such a funny phrase. Americans when nothing: so imagine a burger.

0

5 months ago

American, American humor, Americans, burger, food, food metaphor, Funny, funny phrase, humor, imagine, joke, language, metaphor, nothing, nothing burger, phrase
Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

0

2 months ago

coping, day, facade, feelings, health, humor, irony, mental, mental health, reality, scream, smile

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on Threads this month:

Someone tongue kissed me recently in a way I can only describe as 5th base.

63 shares on Facebook this month:

Do you also sometimes turn on the TV just so you have background noise or am I weird?

41 shares on Instagram this month:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

87 shares on X this month:

Very disappointed to find out that the universal remote control I bought does not control the universe.

92 shares on Pinterest this month:

Flirting back when you’re bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

90 shares on X this month:

If you’re not in my circle of trust, you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

69 shares on X this month:

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

35 shares on Telegram this month:

If you give a man a fish, that fish is basically gone. Way to lose your fish.

85 shares on Slack this month:

The moon is literally dragging the oceans around, and you think your body shouldn’t feel it?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

If you respond to my sarcasm with better sarcasm, then I might just catch feelings.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Obsessed with how Siri just doesn’t work at all, ever.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

The real reason for global warming is that today’s young people are nowhere near as cool as we were back then.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Sorry I’m late. It’s just because of who I am as a person.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

If you’re not getting spoiled, then spoil yourself.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

I will never stop being a quitter!

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

With my staggering 91% survival rate, you’d be a fool to hire another dog sitter.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Pinterest:

Vote for me and I’ll remove all the calories from cheese.

Shared recently on X:

I would go out of my mind, but I can’t find the exit.

Broadcasted on X:

Asserting dominance by starting all my private DMs with “I hope this DM finds you well.

Going viral on Discord:

My tombstone will read “Hey there, I’m using WhatsApp!”.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

If Halloween is over, then why am I still scared?

Just shared via Slack:

Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means… I slept in a slightly different spot, and now my neck feels weird.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Beds are always the coziest when it’s time to get up and you don’t want to.

Just landed via Threads:

Everyone becomes a robo-dancer when the motion sensor faucet isn’t working.

Trending via Threads:

Piñatas are a fun way to intentionally maim the guests at your party.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Just a reminder that you’re not allowed to hit your coworkers. Even if they’re stupid. I asked. Twice.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

(pausing the TV and turning to my kids) Now I want to talk to you guys for a second about what Bart just told that man to do.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

I may not be the smartest or most athletic man in the world. There’s no second part to this, keep scrolling.

I love how one day my body just decided “You know what you really need is some ear hair.”

“Nothing burger” is such a funny phrase. Americans when nothing: so imagine a burger.

Here’s to another day of outward smiles and inward screams.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨