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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

The best proof that fairy tales are fictional is the fact that the prince is always an intelligent and handsome single man.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

I really understand why boomers text with ellipses between everything… it feels so good…

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

I accidentally bought a pair of nose-cancelling headphones and now my glasses keep falling off.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

The only thing worse than a nightmare is waking up from a great dream before you get to see how it ends.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

My daily exercise routine involves running late, jumping to conclusions and pushing my luck.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they’re braver than me.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

The best part of my kid graduating was unsubscribing from the school’s text messages.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Be gentle with me, I’m from the 1900s.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,374

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

The way men eat when they’re single is nothing short of dehumanizing.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The more nicknames I have for you, the more I like you.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

My superpower is giving you the middle finger using my eyes only.

Going viral on WeChat:

People never run off to join the circus anymore.

Just landed via Telegram:

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

Making waves on YouTube:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $2 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst birthday presents ever.

Trending via LinkedIn:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

Making waves on Facebook:

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I may not understand women, but cheeseburgers have never sent me mixed signals, and for that they’ll always have my heart.

Pitching a sitcom where all the top people running a major city have been arrested and by chain of command the person in charge is now a librarian.

2 weeks ago

Witty quote about a city run by a librarian after top officials are arrested.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🤣🏙️ "In a world where chaos reigns and logic takes a backseat, welcome to 'The Dewey Decimated Decimal System'! Who needs mayors and governors when you have a librarian armed with overdue fines and shushing powers ready to bring order to the city? Tune in as our unlikely hero battles late fees and unruly citizens in this unforgettable sitcom where the only crime is not returning your books on time!" 📚🕶️

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Roses are red. Let’s get some fresh air. Make love in the moonlight. Have a pregnancy scare.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

When buying presents I like to think, what would Jesus have got you? So yeah, enjoy your fish sandwich.

42 shares on Messenger this month:

It turns out when someone asks who your favorite child is, you’re supposed to choose from your own. I know that now.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

They should invent a life where I know what I’m doing.

96 shares on TikTok this month:

No plans and no pants kind of day.

50 shares on Discord this month:

Just rolled over for a cuddle.. forgot I’m single… fell off the bed.

61 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

97 shares on Snapchat this month:

Ex’s be like “I gave you everything”. Yeah, trust issues.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

What pushes you to watch 19 seasons of people in a hospital?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when I go to hug someone sexy and hit my head on the mirror.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Just because I’m smiling doesn’t mean I like you, I might be picturing you on fire.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine hating me, and I’m just sitting on the couch googling if penguins have knees.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Relationships: Because sometimes destroying your life is a two person job.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,375

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

That place is so crowded; nobody goes there anymore.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s only Wednesday.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

I don’t wanna brag, but I’ve been told I’m micro-management material.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

I am “any text received after 9pm will be answered at 6am” years old.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I hope some dyslexic people don’t mail Satan instead of Santa.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Chores give kids a sense of responsibility while teaching relevant life skills such as procrastination.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

I know you miss me. The tarot lady on TikTok just told me.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

I’m old enough to remember when rainbows were in black and white.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

“I’m depressed because there’s not enough cheese in this world to satisfy my hunger for it.”

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

“Apple Music has better sound quality!” Okay, but my entire life is on Spotify, my playlists are my children.

Trending via Telegram:

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

Making waves on WeChat:

If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

Making waves on Telegram:

Bringing a fitted sheet to a knife fight.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

The lioness does not concern herself with the pile of clothes she moves between bed and chair every day.

Live now on Pinterest:

Needing to rant and not wanting anyone to know your business is such a crazy combo.

Shared recently on Slack:

I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

Going viral on Reddit:

It’s like 10,000 yawns when all you need is a nap.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Someone is probably in the worst argument of their life right now. LOL!

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