Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Halloween is over and most people just keep on being creepy.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

How my weekend was? Light, dark, light, dark, Monday.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

I haven’t cleaned my shower in so long, it’s becoming a terrarium. Absolutely gorgeous.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Some people stay in the past because that’s where they peaked.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I’m equally comfortable holding a guitar as I am holding a baby, I just hold them both by the neck.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

4,062

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Incorrectly is the only word that, when spelled correctly, is still spelled incorrectly.

Just shared via TikTok:

People who remember to drink water, what’s that like?

Trending via Telegram:

They’re making me get out of bed.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Why can’t my career pursue me instead?

Shared recently on Facebook:

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

Just landed via WeChat:

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

Just shared via YouTube:

I put the mess in domestic.

Live now on Threads:

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

By the time my CVS receipt finished printing, I was eligible for another prescription refill.

Making waves on Messenger:

Noise-canceling headphones aren’t enough, I need everyone to shut up.

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your bed gives you a day pass and you're suddenly the king/queen of the world! 🛌👑🎉

alarm, day, ever, freedom, great, humor, lazy, lazy day, morning, realize, relaxation, sex, sleep, today

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”

0

5 months ago

attitude, back, demon, ever, humor, ID, just, me, possessed, possession, problem, sarcasm, say, sit, wit
Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

0

1 month ago

advice, avoid, avoid fool, avoid tool, being, cool, fool, graduation, humor, lesson, life, life lesson, slang, stay, stay cool, tool, wisdom
I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

0

2 months ago

chloroform, exhaustion, humor, ID, kids, know, night, parenting, people, sleep, tranquilizers
“Are you ok?” Of course not. Next question!

0

1 month ago

feeling, honesty, humor, ok, question, response, sarcasm
Bought a pair of night vision goggles so that I can easily find the fridge at night without waking my wife.

0

2 months ago

easily, fridge, goggles, humor, i, kitchen, night, night vision, relationship, sleep, vision, waking, wife
Sorry I’m late. Had to scroll back to my birth year.

0

2 months ago

back, birth, humor, late, media, procrastination, scroll, social, social media, sorry, time, year

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Slack this month:

I wonder if the sun also takes pictures of humanity going down?

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My wife refuses to hire a housekeeper because she doesn’t want them to see this mess.

53 shares on Facebook this month:

I would describe my personal style as whatever is on top of the pile of clothes on the floor.

67 shares on Slack this month:

Reverse cowgirl so I can bend backward and look at him like the Exorcist.

57 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you play guitar in a band, always make sure to look like it hurts to play.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

I smile at all animals, just not the human ones.

86 shares on Slack this month:

I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.

62 shares on TikTok this month:

Booked an escape room but just to get away from everyone. No plans of escaping.

12 shares on YouTube this month:

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

10 shares on Pinterest this month:

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

My ability to remember song lyrics from the ’90s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the garage.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

An apple a day may keep the doctor away, but some silly a day keeps the boredom at bay.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Sleep with each other, or someone else will!

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Shoutout to everyone who can’t keep up with the laundry or the dishes but decided it was a great idea to start gardening.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

“I have a date with destiny.” Yeah well, I’m in a long-term relationship with the consequences of my actions.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

It’s been too long since I partook in shenanigans.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

I get you, bowel syndrome. I’m irritable, too.

Spotted on Threads:

This year should be named “things I never thought could happen”.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

Spotted on Twitch:

That thing in video games where you have a great item so you hold onto it but never end up using it? Thats me with fruit.

Trending via Messenger:

Introverts have fun too, we just don’t care if you know…

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Sorry, I’m late. My alarm didn’t go off because I didn’t set it, because I don’t want to be here.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I thought being an adult meant cake for breakfast, not budgeting for therapy.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Looking for someone who loves me as much as some people love standing up the second a plane lands.

Just shared via TikTok:

A plus of getting older is not having to make as much small talk because half the conversation is spent asking the other person to repeat what they just said.

Breaking via Facebook:

If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

“Are you ok?” Of course not. Next question!

Bought a pair of night vision goggles so that I can easily find the fridge at night without waking my wife.

Sorry I’m late. Had to scroll back to my birth year.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨