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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Due to personal reasons, I won’t be dropping it like it’s hot anymore.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

A fun thing to do at work is call in sick and stay home.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

So does everybody have a collection of grocery bags that you keep inside of a grocery bag?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

I have my own hand stamper at home so my coworkers will think I went someplace fun the night before.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Due to foreseen circumstances well within my control I will be late.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

I always have a cheap bottle of wine in the house in case any family visit.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

If you have ever spent an hour on Twitter then you understand why there’s such an urgency to create Artificial Intelligence.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

I really appreciate where you’re coming from. I just wish you’d go back.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

That sound when you close the cupboard and hear something fall inside, that’s the sound of somebody else’s problem.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,549

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Job applications be like “how did you hear about us?”. Bro why, was it a secret?

Going bananas on Slack:

When someone has “Do Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.

Spotted on Threads:

Geopolitics for dudes is like pure sex. Almost like the male mind was built for this.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The feminine urge to turn you on and not do anything about it.

Making waves on Facebook:

I’ve used dark mode so much that I’m physically repulsed by white screens now.

Seen just now on Slack:

Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I need to stop saying “Oppa Gagnam Style!” to fill in awkward pauses in conversation.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Have y’all tried calories? They’re so good.

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?

Sex is great, but have you ever had your alarm go off and then realize you don’t have to get up today?
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Commentary:
When your bed gives you a day pass and you're suddenly the king/queen of the world! 🛌👑🎉

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Discord this month:

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

Career anxiety hitting at random hours of the day.

91 shares on Threads this month:

May you heal from that fanfic that never got updated.

46 shares on Telegram this month:

l identify as a Christmas tree. Lit on the outside, dead on the inside.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why can’t opportunity just come back later?

61 shares on Twitch this month:

If cartoons have taught us anything, it’s the uselessness of little umbrellas when plummeting from a cliff.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The void screams into me.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My wife and I always eat dinner as fast as possible so we can have a popsicle.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Neighbors are fighting. Can I knock on the wall and ask them to speak up so I know whose side I’m on?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

OK, just so everybody’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

We all have that one coworker whose sole purpose is to reduce our life expectancy by ten years.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I be butt naked, texting people, and they’ll never know.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The real miracle is how Jesus managed to book a table for twenty-six people on the night before the Easter holiday, and then only half them showed up.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

They should build a separate grocery store for people who have actually purchased food before, know how to push a cart, and possess at least an ounce of spatial awareness.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

You could waterboard pretty much any embarrassing information out of me. I’m very waterboardable.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

354 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,623

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,623

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,550

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

I would like to be reincarnated as less tired.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

I love sleeping in fishnets. Makes you feel like a big honey roast ham.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

I know you miss me. The tarot lady on TikTok just told me.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Tech enthusiasts: My entire house is smart. Tech workers: The only piece of technology in my house is a printer, and I keep a gun next to it so I can shoot it if it makes a noise I don’t recognize.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

Some folks go to college to delay being a bum.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on X:

Ever since I learned about the concept of networking, I knew I was going to have to do everything alone and do it the hard way.

Seen just now on Telegram:

If I text you at 8:10, you’re supposed to reply at 8:09.

Broadcasted on X:

Cancel culture has been canceled.

Just shared via YouTube:

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I don’t get mad anymore. I’m just like “again?” Ok then.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

New York is so awesome. Like, yes, let’s spend $108 for breakfast and walk past homeless people freezing.

Going viral on Telegram:

There are two types of people at work: Those who work and those who have become pros at looking busy.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

“You changed!” Yeah, I thought three days in the same outfit was kinda pushing it.

Just shared via Snapchat:

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Notice how Lorde has a song called “Tennis Court” and not “Pickleball Court”? Tired of y’all pushing that fake sport.

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