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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Hungry me has no respect for bathroom scale me.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Feeling like a bug without his rug.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

I love when men go on diets they will be like “let me go for the healthy option”: the buffalo chicken quesadilla.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

I am like the weather. Temporarily friendly.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

It’s not even a crush. it’s just unsupervised hope.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I met the real Santa tonight, and he said you’re all in trouble.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought logical arguments would change someone’s mind.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

The most unrealistic part of Christmas movies isn’t the existence of Santa… it’s that all these people have, like, a month off work with no interruptions.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,390

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

Going viral on Instagram:

I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’ve been saving these cleavage crumbs just for you babe.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

The best time to visit Japan is when you have money!

Just shared via Snapchat:

“It’s all in your head!” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

Just shared via Threads:

Leggings: elegant for some, elephant for others.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

You should be able to donate somebody else’s body to science.

Just landed via WeChat:

You are the Monday of my life.

Spotted on Threads:

Uber drivers have secret access to a streaming service of exclusively the worst music you’ve ever heard.

Trending via Facebook:

Wine shopping is 10% grape variety and 90% “ooohh, this one has a pretty label.”

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like I'm booked for an evening of overthinking and imaginary arguments! 🤔😂🗓️

apology, busy, emotion, excuse, humor, i, personal, sarcasm, sorry, taking, things, tonight

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

0

2 months ago

circle, friend, humor, identity, joke, Matt, social, social circle, white, white friend
Imagine not sleeping with plushies. You guys are gonna get eaten by monsters.

0

1 day ago

bedtime, comfort, eaten, guys, humor, imagination, imagine, monster, monsters, plushie, sleep, sleeping
I see posts like, “If food is too expensive, just grow your own.” Okay, Einstein, why didn’t I think of that?

0

5 months ago

advice, expense, expensive, food, frustration, gardening, grow, humor, i, just, okay, own, posts, sarcasm, think, too, why
The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

0

2 months ago

bro, context, drink, humor, little, umbrella, unnecessary, wet
Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

0

2 months ago

before, humor, me, rude, sleep, surprise, wake
Just a friendly reminder folks. Don’t forget to set back your rooster this weekend.

0

2 months ago

back, daylight, daylight saving, folks, forget, friendly, humor, joke, just, lighthearted, reminder, rooster, saving, set, time, weekend

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t know the difference between “gray” & “grey” and I’m too scared to even ask.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

64 shares on Telegram this month:

I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric. Here, there, and everywhere.

73 shares on Discord this month:

I’m not your dream woman. I am the sudden shouting of ravens that you hear when you enter a part of the forest you shouldn’t have.

26 shares on TikTok this month:

Finally got around to emptying the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something started its independence movement in there.

89 shares on WeChat this month:

Please, Tinder, add AI to your app. I don’t want to be involved in the modern dating experience. Let a robot do it for me. Let the machines suffer in our place.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

Isn’t it weird we have a little voice in our head, like the one you’re using to read this?

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

28 shares on X this month:

Big fan of the comma, just great. Like look, I just made you pause the sentence as you read it. Oh look, I just did it again.

37 shares on X this month:

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Petition to add fitted sheet folding to the olympics.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

364 days until Christmas, and people already have decorations up. Unbelievable.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

The nicest thing I’ve done for a date is turn up.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

If you breakdance you buy dance.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

And are the people who find you “hilarious” in the room with us now?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

They won’t teach you this in school, but life is all about going to weird little diners.

Just landed via TikTok:

The Frankfurt School?? What are you majoring in, hot dog?

Spotted on Telegram:

Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.

Just shared via X:

Her heart is an abandoned garden filled with ghosts and dying flowers.

Making waves on Messenger:

I didn’t mean to gain weight. It happened by snaccident.

Breaking via Telegram:

I could never commit gun violence. The only things I know how to reload are my pill caddy and the batteries for the remote.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Betrayal is when you’re holding a baby, and they put their arms out for someone else.

Going viral on X:

That depressing moment when you pull up to work and the building is not engulfed in flames.

Just landed via Threads:

A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”

Trending via Slack:

I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

If you don’t have at least one white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.

Imagine not sleeping with plushies. You guys are gonna get eaten by monsters.

I see posts like, “If food is too expensive, just grow your own.” Okay, Einstein, why didn’t I think of that?

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

Just a friendly reminder folks. Don’t forget to set back your rooster this weekend.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨