Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

Breaking News: Jenny on Facebook is having salad for dinner tonight.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Stop worrying about being weird and start being weirder.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

I can cope well with most situations. Hearing someone smack is not one of them.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

I hate when the iPhone corrects ‘Omw’ to ‘On my way!’. Man, I am not that excited.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Take me back to the night we met so I can never give you a chance.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Life is just a vicious cycle of needing to go to the grocery store.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

21 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,290

Funny Quotes Topics

17,410

Funny Quotes Images

15,290

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,494

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Discord:

I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

Going viral on Slack:

When there’s food around, our cat is like an adorable, fluffy shark circling round.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Love is like a bird. Sometimes flying around me but then moving on.

Trending via TikTok:

Do u guys also have a story in your head, and when you’re bored, you just add more to it and continue from where you left off?

Freshly posted on X:

I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

Going viral on Messenger:

At bedtime, I ceremonially move the claw clip from my hair to the bag of chips, signifying the end of the day.

Making waves on TikTok:

I don’t know what’s more fun—grocery shopping or making the old men blush by asking if these melons look ripe.

Shared recently on YouTube:

My life is constantly oscillating between “must save money” and “you only live once”.

Just shared via Discord:

Kinda miss when crushes were butterflies instead of complex emotional calculations about compatibility and red flags.

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Oh, the heartbreak of waiting for the 'Ring of Shame' to end—my phone just loves holding me hostage! 📞😂📵

again, annoyance, breakup, ever, hard, humor, phone, ringing, start, stop, sure, technology, using, wait, waiting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

0

2 months ago

activity, fun, fun activity, humor, marriage, people, prank, relationship, sneak, surprise
Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

0

2 months ago

am, being, fat, forward-thinking, humor, i, person, summer, weight, winter, winter fat
Grandmas be like: Imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings.

0

2 months ago

back, children, days, factory, factory settings, family, grandma, humor, parenting, reset, settings, stay, visit
An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

0

2 months ago

activity, app, building, date, fun, fun activity, left, match, negotiation, no talking, partner, restaurants, right, swipe, talking, where
I hate the person I become when I try to open a package using the ‘Tear Here’ notch, and it stays sealed.

0

2 months ago

frustration, hate, here, i, open, opening, package, person, sealed, tear, tear here, try, using
It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

0

2 months ago

amazing, another, bieber, coffee, coffee shop, escape, example, funny situation, going, humor, justin, Justin Bieber, music, place, playing, restaurant, shop, situation, transport, transportation

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m officially at the age where I enjoy when people cancel plans.

90 shares on Instagram this month:

And to think I survived a global pandemic for this.

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I’ll shop.

93 shares on Discord this month:

The closest I get to a spa day is when I’m draining pasta, and the steam smacks me in the face.

17 shares on Discord this month:

Sweet, but twisted. Does that make me a candy cane?

27 shares on Reddit this month:

I waste a lot of time putting my phone down to just pick it back up again.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

My five-year plan is to just see what happens.

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

66 shares on Threads this month:

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

13 shares on Telegram this month:

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Adult friendships are difficult. The people I get on best with never want to leave the house either.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Your future doctor is using ChatGPT to pass med school so you better start eating healthy.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

The sluttiest thing a man can do is have an ethical dilemma over his lust for you.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

I don’t know what’s more fun—grocery shopping or making the old men blush by asking if these melons look ripe.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

I want this laziness removed from my body.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

One year closer to whatever age my obituary will say.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Pinterest:

Every once in a while, I go outside and run the vacuum cleaner on the driveway, just to make sure the neighbors never talk to me.

Freshly posted on X:

Please be delicate with me, I’m built like a Nature Valley bar.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Hate when I get halfway there and have to go back for my teeth.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

The worst part of all-you-can-eat buffets are all the witnesses.

Breaking via Threads:

I was raised to be humble which I excel at cause I excel at everything.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Why do fish stink so much even though they bathe their whole lives?

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Girls be like, “Baby, I have a great idea,” and it’s a trip you have to pay for.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Facebook: because time isn’t going to pass on it’s own.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Grandmas be like: Imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings.

An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

I hate the person I become when I try to open a package using the ‘Tear Here’ notch, and it stays sealed.

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨