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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

No plans and no pants kind of day.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

What was the main bloke called in Harry Potter?

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

They should make a biopic of just some random guy.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Introducing two cats is tedium. Not interested in your dumb politics just lick each other and be normal already.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

Not eating the cookie I’m craving. I better wake up skinny tomorrow.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

There should be a “Take Your Friend to Work Day,” so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

“I’m at a point in my life where I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.”

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

My personal brand is being the guest at a wedding who can’t dance but puts in a noticeable effort.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Imagine being a dinosaur. No work or bills. No drama. Just extinct.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,419

Social Media Log 💫

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When you turn procrastination into an art form 🎨😂 #ProCraft-inator"

completion, done, fact, humor, i, irony, job, motivation, procrastinate, procrastination, productivity, reason, self-awareness, still, task, task completion, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

0

2 months ago

able, call, comfort, cozy, morning, partner, should, warm, work
Me, having zero balance in my account, viewing houses worth 10 million, and being like, “No, I don’t like the kitchen.”

0

2 months ago

account, aspiration, balance, being, difficulty, envy, expectations, financial, financial difficulty, financial envy, having, house, house shopping, houses, humor, humor about money, i, kitchen, lifestyle, luxury, me, million, money, priorities, property, sarcasm, shopping, unrealistic, unrealistic expectations, worth, zero
New term for people with jobs: emploids.

0

1 week ago

employment, humor, job, jobs, new, people, slang, term, work
My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they’re braver than me.

0

2 months ago

anxiety, attraction, attractive, confidence, dating, flirting, hoping, humor, i, looking, me, multiple, self-deprecating, shy, social, social anxiety, someone, times, version
If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

0

2 months ago

calorie, consider, conversation, fitness, humor, ID, interaction, maybe, small, small talk, social, social interaction, talk
If you turn your phone upside down, the stock market is actually doing quite well.

0

2 months ago

actually, doing, financial, humor, irony, joke, market, perspective, phone, stock, stock market, turn, upside, upside down, well

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Threads this month:

If a man says “I don’t deserve you,” believe him. Because he is about to show you why.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

Coworker: Hey, circling back on that thing we talked about in December. Me: Stop living in the past!

15 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t date coworkers. Being the hot coworker nobody at work has a chance with is always the best role to play.

25 shares on LinkedIn this month:

When I gain weight, I should get to designate where on my body it goes.

32 shares on X this month:

Monday is already sending me threatening glances from across the room.

86 shares on Slack this month:

After all the books are banned, they’ll move on to suggestive fruit.

17 shares on TikTok this month:

Denying the existence of anyone that annoys me.

26 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I am so full of love and anger, like a lava lamp.

29 shares on Discord this month:

I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

I’ve disappointed better people.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Before social media, you had to actively go out and find crazy people.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

20’s: what even is a hangover? 40’s: puts on sunglasses to open fridge…

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

If Spotify has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t know the correct lyrics to any of my favorite songs.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

The worst part about being an adult is that no matter how sad you get, the show must go on.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

By day I am just a regular loser, by night I am the same loser only it’s nighttime.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Having a crush on someone as an adult feels like a humiliation ritual.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Please, if you ever offer me a snack and I say no, ask me again, I didn’t mean it the first time.

Just landed via Facebook:

I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

Going viral on Twitch:

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Freshly posted on Threads:

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

Going viral on TikTok:

The best part of my kid graduating was unsubscribing from the school’s text messages.

Spotted on X:

Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.

Trending via Threads:

They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Have y’all tried calories? They’re so good.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

Me, having zero balance in my account, viewing houses worth 10 million, and being like, “No, I don’t like the kitchen.”

New term for people with jobs: emploids.

My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they’re braver than me.

If small talk burned calories, maybe I’d consider it.

If you turn your phone upside down, the stock market is actually doing quite well.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨