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Hey, I’ve been thinking, and I think you should think for me.

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I got all my marriage skills from watching Al Bundy.

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“Iโ€™d rather hurl myself into an active volcano!” -me, politely declining dates.

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My default setting is sexual energy.

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Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

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Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

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It’s always “your monthly bill is available,” never “this month is on us.”

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The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

The iPhone alarm is so effective that you wake up before it goes off, so you don’t have to listen to such an unbearable noise.

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That alarm sound is like a mini heart attack waiting to happen! ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ””โฐ Who needs coffee when you have an iPhone alarm?



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