Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

I only look up to people that are taller than me and really that’s about the extent of it.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Why are so many people going everywhere whenever I have to go anywhere?

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

I automatically assume everyone finds me unattractive until they tell me otherwise, and then I assume that they are lying to make fun of me.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

Roses are pink. I need a drink.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

April fools prank: replace all the sugar in your house with cocaine.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Selling porn is gross, but selling food and small household items is grocer.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,323

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

Cannabis has many benefits. For example, it makes you retarded. But in addition, it also makes you lazy. No worries though, it also makes you fat and insane.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I can still drop it like it’s hot. It’s just a lot harder to pick it back up.

Seen just now on X:

Bag of flesh that acts weird when another bag of flesh doesn’t send symbols on glowing screen.

Just landed via Facebook:

Need to shave my legs again. Blow-drying takes far too long.

Breaking via Reddit:

I got a bumper sticker that says, “Honk if you think I’m pretty.” Sometimes I just sit at green lights until I feel better about myself.

Shared recently on Slack:

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here looking at soup recipes.

Going viral on Facebook:

Today, I’m going to give it my almost.

Trending via Facebook:

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Moms be like, “Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.”

The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Rain's amazing soundtrack is the universe's way of telling you to hit the snooze button one more time! 🌧️😴🎶

bed, comfort, cozy, elite, leisure, nature, nature sounds, outside, rain, relaxation, self-care, sound, sounds

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

0

2 months ago

dinner, food, health, night, pizza
I’m old enough to remember when FIFA was about kicking balls, not sucking them.

0

4 weeks ago

age, ball, balls, enough, FIFA, football, humor, joke, kicking, nostalgia, old, remember, soccer, sports
I hope whoever came up with the spelling for Wednesday was punished for their actions.

0

2 months ago

actions, came, hope, humor, i, irony, language, punishment, spelling, Wednesday, wordplay
Stop bothering me, or I will inform you of a behavioral pattern that is noticeable to other people, but I can tell you are not yet aware of.

0

3 months ago

annoyance, awareness, behavior, bothering, humor, i, inform, interaction, me, observation, pattern, people, personality, social, social interaction, stop, tell, warning
Beer is like weed for people with jobs.

0

2 months ago

beer, humor, job, jobs, leisure, people, relaxation, relief, stress, stress relief, weed
Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

0

2 months ago

deception, give, humor, irony, lying, people, politics, president, satisfaction, sense, stupid, truth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.

86 shares on TikTok this month:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

29 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

38 shares on Discord this month:

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

Porn looks so funny when you’re not horny.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

Men used to smoke Marlboros. Now they cry when they lose their strawberry cheesecake vape.

61 shares on Reddit this month:

You don’t know your own leg strength until you’re kicking the end of a hotel tucked bed sheet.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

17 shares on Facebook this month:

Feeling feral. Better make some mac and cheese.

78 shares on Snapchat this month:

Never underestimate the healing power of not watching the news.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

Warning: This movie contains “Adult Themes” such as interest rates, bad knees, back pain, and excitement about going to bed early.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

White, black, yellow, brown, Democrat, Republican, man, woman, straight, gay, transgender, Jew, Christian, Muslim, young and old — you will all taste the same to the zombies.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

I swear the air gets heavier around 6 p.m. on Sundays. You can feel the Microsoft Teams energy approaching.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Facebook should just go back to being Hot or Not dot com.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

Isn’t it weird we have a little voice in our head, like the one you’re using to read this?

Just shared via YouTube:

Can we get some A.I. to pick plastic out of the ocean, or do all the robots need to be poets?

Shared recently on Messenger:

Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I am cutting contact with my 3-year-old narcissist nephew.

Going viral on Discord:

In a room full of art, I’d still stare at you.

Making waves on Twitch:

You are never too old to achieve your dreams. Prince Charles had to wait 73 years.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

You can’t scare me; you’re not my credit card bill.

Just shared via Reddit:

The best part of having a failing memory is that you can wrap up presents for yourself, and when it comes time to open them, you are honestly surprised.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Nobody has ever been given a cheeseburger and been upset about it.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Not now darling, mummy’s influencing on the www.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The sound of rain outside when you’re in bed is elite.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I bought all this healthy food at the grocery store today and now I’m trying to decide if I want Chinese food or pizza delivered for dinner tonight.

I’m old enough to remember when FIFA was about kicking balls, not sucking them.

I hope whoever came up with the spelling for Wednesday was punished for their actions.

Stop bothering me, or I will inform you of a behavioral pattern that is noticeable to other people, but I can tell you are not yet aware of.

Beer is like weed for people with jobs.

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨