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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

The opposite of “taking candy from a baby” is “putting sunscreen on a toddler.”

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Remember when Mustangs were muscle cars and not an embarrassment to the name.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

I’m not like other girls. I don’t have a podcast.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

I wish I was as tired at bedtime as I am at 2 p.m. on any given day.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Remember, when a package says “sharing size”, that’s just a guideline. They have no enforcement mechanism.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

294 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,563

Funny Quotes Topics

17,619

Funny Quotes Images

15,563

Jan 11, 2026

3,329

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

The angel and devil on my shoulders are both completely fed up with me.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Manipulative people really be like “oh, so now I’m the bad guy for being the bad guy?”

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Your reply guys are like Pooh Bear. They wear no pants and are relentlessly trying to get in your honeypot.

Going viral on X:

There is too much money in the world for me to be broke.

Seen just now on Discord:

People my age are on baby #2, and I’m on drink #5.

Making waves on X:

It is a mistake to say that the people who live a hundred years from now will have nothing to laugh at. They can laugh at us.

Trending via Threads:

Dear phone, if you didn’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn’t have died so quickly!

Breaking via Telegram:

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

Making waves on Telegram:

If you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight, the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit.

Seen just now on Threads:

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

2 months ago

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, Walmart – the great divider of mankind! 🛒 For some, it's a chore-filled expedition, a journey into the depths of consumerism. For others, it's a thrilling adventure, a chance to embrace the chaos and find hidden gems among the shelves. Which type are you? Embrace the Walmart experience, for it is a true test of character! 💸🎉

activity, choices, experience, fun, fun activity, humor, life, life choices, people, perspective, retail, retail experience, shopping, types, types of people, Walmart, world

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I would just go.

2 months ago

clown, fear, humor, i, invitation, invited, just, me, point, trust, woods
The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

2 months ago

annoyance, crazy, day, discomfort, driving, except, hair, humor, inside, me, pea, princess, rogue, shirt
This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

2 months ago

dieting, fat, food, humor, ID, salad, sarcasm, taste, weight
I would have loads of money if I liked Ramen Noodles and hated vodka.

2 months ago

alcohol, money, pasta, ramen, vodka
Who else here can say that they have NEVER watched any of the Kardashian shows?

2 months ago

else, entertainment, here, humor, Kardashian, never, reality, reality TV, say, show, shows, statement, TV, watch
She was my chai, I was her cake rusk.

2 months ago

analogy, cake, chai, food, humor, love, relationship, rusk

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s jarring for me when there are British people in the Midwest. How did you get this far inland?

10 shares on Discord this month:

I would like to unsubscribe from all responsibilities, please and thank you.

58 shares on TikTok this month:

Summer Olympics is just me swimming in sweat and wrestling with my sports bra.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

“Age is just a number!” Yeah, the older I get, the number I feel.

94 shares on X this month:

My summer body is just my winter body with better lighting.

52 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

54 shares on Slack this month:

Scrolling to your birth year is a humiliation ritual.

62 shares on Telegram this month:

There should be a “Take Your Friend to Work Day,” so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

You give my middle finger an erection.

19 shares on Facebook this month:

I miss when people didn’t talk on speakerphone in public.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

My superpower is embarrassing myself.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If you ever find yourself mad at me, put a cape on so you can be super mad.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I enjoy long, romantic walks … to the departure gate.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

No one told me middle age would be so fuzzy, and if you are wondering whether I mean my eyesight or my facial hair, yes.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Why are people always so scared of self-checkouts when shopping? It’s much quicker and you always get something for free.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I applied for a job and got it, and now I really have to go there. Crap!

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I am single, please disturb me!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

294 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,563

Funny Quotes Topics

17,619

Funny Quotes Images

15,563

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,690

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

I’m always a little mean to men because, if you treat them like humans, they think you wanna sleep with them.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

If you have gray in your beard, you can hit it.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

If you aren’t sleeping with me, then you’re sleeping against me.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

No one talks about the horrific event of meeting someone who is exactly your type.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

I see WWIII is about to kick off again. I’d best cancel the milk and get the cat in.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

I am losing touch with reality and I couldn’t be happier.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Porn actresses envy the look on my face when I clean my ear with a cotton bud.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

Breaking via Messenger:

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

Just landed via TikTok:

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

Seen just now on Instagram:

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

Seen just now on WeChat:

“Tom Cruise does his own stunts!” Okay cool, but so do I.

Going viral on YouTube:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

Just shared via TikTok:

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

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