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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Be the reason why your local woods are haunted.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

When someone asks me if my twins are natural, I tell them no they’re robots.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

A weekend spent doing nothing is a weekend well spent.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Looks fade but dark, twisted, inappropriate humor is forever.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

“I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has viewed:

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has downloaded:

The worst part about getting sucked up by the tornado you’re filming is to die knowing your wife was right. You are an idiot.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,653

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

Going viral on Snapchat:

The only joke my mom ever made was me.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I highly recommend having hobbies. It distracts you from things like falling in love.

Going bananas on Telegram:

Next time I lose my mind I swear I’m not even going to look for it any more.

Just landed via Reddit:

Don’t play with the feelings I barely have.

Going bananas on Messenger:

No one is more surprised than my kids every night when I say it’s bed time.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

My husband threw away a perfectly good box as if we might not need it in 20 years.

Just shared via Reddit:

Who are these people that buy unsalted butter on purpose?

Broadcasted on Twitch:

A collective orgasm would fix the world.

Just shared via Twitch:

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

2 months ago

0

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, Walmart – the great divider of mankind! 🛒 For some, it's a chore-filled expedition, a journey into the depths of consumerism. For others, it's a thrilling adventure, a chance to embrace the chaos and find hidden gems among the shelves. Which type are you? Embrace the Walmart experience, for it is a true test of character! 💸🎉

activity, choices, experience, fun, fun activity, humor, life, life choices, people, perspective, retail, retail experience, shopping, types, types of people, Walmart, world

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I still can’t believe Aldi sells shopping carts for 25 cents. I’ve got 8 of them now and don’t really even have a use for them, it was just too good of a deal to pass up.

0

2 months ago

25, Aldi, bargain, behavior, believe, buy, cart, consumer, consumer behavior, deal, even, good, humor, i, impulse, impulse buy, just, pass, shopping, shopping cart, still, too, unexpected, unexpected use
People who shower at night are bold enough to assume tomorrow’s even happening.

0

2 months ago

assume, assumption, bold, confidence, enough, even, happening, humor, night, people, routine, shower, tomorrow
Telling a child not to touch something only ensures that child is definitely now going to touch that something.

0

2 months ago

advice, behavior, child, curiosity, going, parenting, rules, something, temptation, touch
Whenever І wake up and see that someone has wrіtten a bunch of funny posts before noon, І assume they are a mornіng drіnker.

0

2 months ago

assumption, drinker, funny posts, humor, morning, morning drinker, noon, posts, someone, wake, wake up
Don’t go keto, go pirate. Rum, fish and beef jerky diet.

0

2 months ago

adventure, beef, beef jerky, diet, fish, food, humor, jerky, keto, lifestyle, pirate, rum
Wow, this person is full of shit. Oh, I’m on my own page.

0

2 months ago

full, full of shit, humor, oh, own, own page, page, person, realization, shit, surprise

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

Having someone sing you to sleep is so comforting, until you realize you are the only one in the room.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t push people away, I just do the Macarena.

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The true horror genre: my old Facebook statuses.

23 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m going back to the 90s, if anyone wants to come.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

45 shares on TikTok this month:

I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

32 shares on YouTube this month:

If I was a Spice Girl I would be Mild to Medium Spice.

67 shares on Telegram this month:

Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

The sexual tension between me and a late afternoon coffee to get me through the workday.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

The great thing about having a mouse in your house is that I’m sure it’s just the one mouse, probably.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be an Olympics where athletes can take as many drugs as they want. Like, to hell with y’all, let’s see how high humans can really jump.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Back in my day there was so much toilet paper and so much eggs that we gathered at night and threw them at the houses of our enemies.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Where do I sign up to be one of those influencers with 2M followers whose whole thing is just standing in front of other people’s content and nodding?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

The ‘E’ in my name stands for ‘Everything you need.’

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

You look like you take lavender bubble baths with rose petals, surrounded by candles, bro.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Your pronouns are “side/chick”.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m afraid that AI will quickly realize that the biggest problem on Earth is humans – and then solve the problem.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,680

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

I’m sorry, but when you call me ‘batshit crazy’ it’s almost starting to sound like you think it’s a bad thing!

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

We always asked “where is Waldo” but never “who is Waldo hiding from”.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

I’d log off, but I get so tired of hearing myself talk.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

The most surprising part of adulthood is parenting your parents.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Marriage is so scary. What do you mean I can’t have my own room?

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Getting accused of using AI when you didn’t is like this century’s version of a witch allegation.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

I took a test to see if I have multiple personalities. I scored 100%, 92% and 88%.

Just landed via Threads:

These people act like they’ve never seen anyone wearing a Speedo in a laundromat before.

Live now on WhatsApp:

You got a better chance getting chased by a dog than by me.

Making waves on Reddit:

Remember: no matter what anyone else thinks of you, it’s how you delude yourself that matters.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

To everyone I’ve wronged this year. Next year same time, same place.

Just landed via Pinterest:

A girl was coming over till she wasn’t—that’s what happened.

Just shared via Discord:

The goal is to make your therapist cry.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I received a DM telling me that I’ve offended some of you. I’m truly sorry; I meant to offend all of you.

Making waves on YouTube:

When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”

Just shared via Threads:

When science finally locates the center of the universe, some people will be surprised to learn they’re not it.

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