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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

You gotta wonder why they just don’t make all bread garlic bread.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

My mirror needs a screenshot button.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

Never share a secret with a clock. Because time will tell.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

You are my favorite dirty thought.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

I don’t give people directions. What if no one wants them there?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Not only is it not Friday, but it’s not even Thursday.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Don’t hate me, date me!

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Damaged inside, but outside we keep it gangsta.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Children really brighten up a home. They never turn the lights off, …

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

359 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,628

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,628

Jan 12, 2026

3,666

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

Going viral on Threads:

Subtitles are for when you’re eating chips.

Trending via Snapchat:

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

Just shared via WeChat:

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

Trending via Messenger:

King Kong should’ve been able to find a better place to hide than the top of the tallest building in the middle of New York City.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Worst feeling is playing a game and having nobody to talk to about it.

Making waves on Facebook:

Sometimes you just need to eat shredded cheese straight out of the bag.

Just landed via Telegram:

I’m ready to try another planet.

Going bananas on Twitch:

The magician told me to “Pick a card! Any card!” So I took his Visa.

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

3 months ago

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, Walmart – the great divider of mankind! 🛒 For some, it's a chore-filled expedition, a journey into the depths of consumerism. For others, it's a thrilling adventure, a chance to embrace the chaos and find hidden gems among the shelves. Which type are you? Embrace the Walmart experience, for it is a true test of character! 💸🎉

activity, choices, experience, fun, fun activity, humor, life, life choices, people, perspective, retail, retail experience, shopping, types, types of people, Walmart, world

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“I’m at a point in my life where I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.”

2 months ago

absolutely, anywhere, going, going out, humor, i, laziness, life, life stage, motivation, obligation, point, stage, where
If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

2 months ago

40, age, clothes, couch, display, fashion, humor, laying, mannequin, over, over 40, people, should, stores, want
Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

2 months ago

4AM, contemplation, dad, hour, humor, i, just, kitchen, kitchen table, know, morning, morning routine, routine, sit, table, used, wake, why
Accidentally clicked a post about UFOs, and now my Facebook algorithm thinks I’m a much different person.

2 months ago

accidental, accidental click, accidentally, activity, algorithm, click, different, Facebook, humor, identity, media, much, online, online activity, person, post, social, social media, technology, UFO
Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!”

2 months ago

activity, conversation, conversation starter, crossroads, dark, Dark Lord, every, funny activity, hug, humor, interesting, intrigue, lord, starter, surprise, whisper
Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

2 months ago

apologize, embarrassment, every, hearing, humor, i, me, person, recording, self-reflection, voice

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on WeChat this month:

If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all: I watched Rebel Moon 2 and the Netflix app worked well. Showed me the entire movie. In color.

98 shares on TikTok this month:

“Girls just want to have fun!” No, I want one million dollars cash.

57 shares on Discord this month:

My car accidentally drove to a burger shop again. I hate when it does that.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

59 shares on Twitch this month:

Welcome to downtown where the crosswalk signals are merely suggestions and you hope the puddles are water.

32 shares on Threads this month:

I can’t believe Halloween was 10 pounds ago.

64 shares on Slack this month:

The only way to forget the mistakes you made in the past is to make even bigger and graver mistakes in the present.

11 shares on Facebook this month:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

My lips could use some attention today.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

If you send a man to war today, he’s gonna go there and take dark exposure aesthetic pics.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Traffic is the fault of the guy immediately in front of you.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when I grab a live wire and everyone sees my damn skeleton.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Tired of looking at a bad screen. Can’t wait to get home and look at a good screen.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t always cook dinner but when I do, I use every pan in the kitchen.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Men invented pool tables so they could watch each other bend over.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Can I get back all those naps I refused to take as a kid? I could really use them now.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

359 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,628

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,628

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,442

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Remember before social media you would have to pick up the phone and call someone to tell them how much you love bacon?

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I said when I retire, I would travel. I just didn’t expect it to be to the doctors.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

Home is where you trust the toilet seats.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

There is sex without love, there is love without sex, and there is me without both.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

I hate to break it to you, guys, but my husband says you’re not real. He just called you my imaginary friends.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Thank you for the opportunity but I don’t think being human is a good fit for me. I’m going to go back to school to become an octopus.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has viewed:

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Explain it to me like I’m 5 drinks in.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Twitch:

Me leaving the house: I hope I don’t see anyone.

Spotted on Messenger:

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

Spotted on LinkedIn:

People who say that they don’t have time for my bullshit should wake up an hour earlier.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Nothing is funnier than seeing how angry someone gets when they realize they can’t manipulate you.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

No amount of daylight can save us.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

Freshly posted on X:

Not only do I turn down my radio to find a house or a parking spot, but I also take off my sunglasses to hear someone better.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

This Thanksgiving, don’t ask me questions about my life, just pass the mashed potatoes.

Trending via Instagram:

Nothing flies faster than the ketchup out of the bottle when you only want a little.

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