Told a couple of jokes at a Zoom meeting. Turns out I’m not even remotely funny.

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I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

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An internship is only unpaid if you don’t steal enough.

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Every guy wants to be called Daddy till that test comes back positive.

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My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

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Telling my boss I wasn’t drunk really backfired. I probably should have waited until he asked.

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A Monday every week is excessive.

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Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

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I’ve realized about a third of my life is spent trying to ignore the fact that I have to pee.

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Bag of flesh that acts weird when another bag of flesh doesn’t send symbols on glowing screen.

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“You’re so funny!” Thanks, I didn’t get laid in high school.