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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

I have so many mood swings, I’m basically a swing now.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

I take offense when people don’t invite me to events l’d like to turn down.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

A bird just flew into our glass door. Іt’s not dead. Just really embarrassed.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Imagine working at Pornhub. At like the corporate office as a developer or whatever. White collar. That’s gotta be a weird job. Working there has gotta be bloody weird.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

I love my bed so much, what a place.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

The single star on Texas’ flag is actually a review.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,690

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

Three wise men? I highly doubt that.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

The internet is fun because you can post about mayonnaise and somehow end up in a fight.

Spotted on Messenger:

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Debugging is like being the detective in a crime where you are also the murderer. Following the clues of an idiot.

Spotted on Telegram:

Exercise gives you energy, but you need energy to exercise. Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

Just landed via WeChat:

Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Not a gold digger, but the other night a woman told me her grandpa owns a Christmas tree farm. That shit had me rubbing my hands like a fly.

Trending via Messenger:

Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

Making waves on Threads:

I wish berries were the size of apples. Just imagine for a second.

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"When I bark at a dog, all I can think is: 'Did I just ask him to do my taxes?' 🐶🗂️❓"

always, animal, bark, barking, communication, dog, humor, i, misunderstanding, pet, said, something, worry, wrong

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

0

2 months ago

app, dating, flirting, Fumble, humor, people, relationship, singles, social, suck
My ex said I had commitment issues but this giant jar of Nutella says otherwise.

0

2 months ago

commitment, ex, food, giant, humor, i, issues, jar, joke, Nutella, relationship
I feel like this holiday season, it’s important to remind people of the true meaning of Christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more.

0

3 weeks ago

agree, Christmas, commentary, employee, employees, feel, ghost, ghosts, holiday, holiday season, humor, i, important, meaning, middle, night, pay, pay raise, people, person, raise, remind, rich, rich person, season, social, social commentary, true
The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

0

2 months ago

age, birthday, celebration, denial, fun, humor, i, just, older, one-night, one-night stand, pretend, stand, time, treat
Me, telling my kids we’re leaving in 30 minutes: We’re leaving in 5 minutes.

0

2 months ago

30, honesty, humor, kids, leaving, me, minutes, parenting, procrastination, time
If I had a tiny girlfriend, I would love to throw her across gaps so she can pull levers and open doors that get me to her part of the level.

0

4 weeks ago

across, door, doors, game, gap, gaps, girlfriend, humor, i, level, lever, love, me, open, pull, puzzle-solving, relationship, throw, tiny, tiny girlfriend, video, video game

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Telegram this month:

Maybe Monday is more scared of us than we are of it… we don’t know.

23 shares on Reddit this month:

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

51 shares on YouTube this month:

The world would be a much nicer place if we just turn off the news.

44 shares on Discord this month:

Doing all of this just to die in the end! LMAO!

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Nothing humbles you faster than your phone slipping out of your hand and hitting your face.

52 shares on Discord this month:

I will never trust a cake transport box enough to just hold it by the handle.

30 shares on Slack this month:

Fake laughing at work is exhausting as hell, just leave me alone, bro.

83 shares on Threads this month:

I’m in my 20s, but somehow I’m 16 and also 55 at the same time.

27 shares on Slack this month:

I got my patience from waiting half the day to download a song from Limewire.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

“You never reply to messages.” I am just one person, okay? I am understaffed.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

But have you tried getting slow neck kisses and soft ear whispers about it?

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

“Angry on the internet” is such an unfortunate personality.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Wow, this was a really long day of playing on my phone.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

You want fast replies from a female? Argue with her!

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

I feel like an adult spelling bee would humble a lot of us.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Capri Sun tastes as if scientists had bet that they could make fruit juice without fruit.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

I accidentally poured vodka on my orange juice this morning. Twice.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Maybe aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

For Valentine’s Day, I’m gift-wrapping a shirt my husband hasn’t worn in years. It’s the thought that counts—and technically, I thought of it twice.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Sometimes I’m just so exhausted I have to go to bed and scroll my phone for the next 2-3 hours.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

You ever wake up in the morning and your first thought is ‘I can’t wait to go to bed tonight’?

Spotted on Messenger:

Diet tip: Your pants can’t get too tight if you never wear any.

Shared recently on Discord:

The masculine urge to hitch your pants up after making a minor decision.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

Breaking via Discord:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

Trending via TikTok:

Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it.

Just landed via Telegram:

Why can’t hackers just delete everyone’s bad debt, credit, and mortgages?

Seen just now on YouTube:

They should invent a food that sounds good for dinner tonight.

Breaking via Telegram:

Welcome to your 40s. “I’m too old for this shit” is now your excuse and explanation for everything.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

A dating app for people who suck at flirting called Fumble.

My ex said I had commitment issues but this giant jar of Nutella says otherwise.

I feel like this holiday season, it’s important to remind people of the true meaning of Christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more.

The older I get, the more I treat birthdays like one-night stands and just pretend they didn’t happen.

Me, telling my kids we’re leaving in 30 minutes: We’re leaving in 5 minutes.

If I had a tiny girlfriend, I would love to throw her across gaps so she can pull levers and open doors that get me to her part of the level.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨