Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

You know you’re getting old when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking, “I may as well go while I’m here.”

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

If I ever have a daughter, I’m going to call her Erica, but spell it Airwrecka.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

If craziness could fly, some people would have their own airport.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs. She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

If you’re bored when you’re alone, obviously you’re in bad company.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

I don’t get involved in anyone’s business, let alone their drama. You should try it.