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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Spending the day with my mom and her mom, just observing the patterns.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

The bank just called and gave me the biggest compliment, said my balance is outstanding. I really needed that today.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Lego better be trying to cure child cancer with how much their shit cost.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

When I’m not posting or returning messages, just know that I’m probably out doing superhero shit.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

I can’t think of a single email that has ever found me well.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Got me some lemons now for the cold. I hope the tequila helps.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,363

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If I let you into my life, I am either emotionally invested or you are a grilled cheese sandwich.

Just shared via WeChat:

I’m gonna start cursing people out but with biblical phrases like I hope your crops wither and bear no fruit and the ravens eat your mustard seeds.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

Just landed via Twitch:

I’m so single. When they ask me for an emergency contact, I put the neighbor’s dog.

Just landed via Discord:

Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

When intelligence meets empathy and kindness, it’s so sexy.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like “Ughhh, make me longer!”

Spotted on Messenger:

My phone and it’s charger are in a situationship and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Now that I’m in my mid-forties, I think I’ll take up parkour.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Only a couple more days until I come home and pretend I forgot about Valentine’s Day.

Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

1 month ago

Humorous text about a chaotic situation blending a fight and a baseball game.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Looks like the fans were too eager to catch some 'foul' balls instead of throwing actual punches! 🥊⚾️😂"

activity, baseball, broke, fight, game, humor, i, joke, sports, unexpected, yesterday

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

It scares me when you stay up late, like 3 a.m., and you hear a car go down the road, like, where are you going?

88 shares on Pinterest this month:

The way I see it, eating chips while I wait for my pizza to arrive is no different than ordering a starter in a restaurant.

65 shares on Twitch this month:

I typed my name into Google’s search bar and it immediately auto-filled to “Doesn’t even listen to instructions” before crashing under the weight of disappointed search results.

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

94 shares on Slack this month:

I come from a family of failed magicians. I have two half sisters.

49 shares on X this month:

Sorry for texting back instantly. My phone is in my hand, I’m mature, and I like you.

71 shares on LinkedIn this month:

No time like now to start “flossing regularly” before tomorrow’s dental appointment.

49 shares on Reddit this month:

We argue about where to go for dinner for so long, it eventually becomes an argument on where to go for breakfast.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Normalize saying, “I’m not informed enough to have an opinion on the matter.”

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

The more water you drink, the more bathroom breaks, the less you work. Stay hydrated.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I have a mental illness that makes me think that people will change their minds if I present the correct arguments with the appropriate facts and data.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Every time I talk, it sounds like it’s my first time trying to speak.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

That moment when you’re reading but realize you forgot to understand.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

I’d rather lose you than the argument.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Bob is my nickname. Robert is my nicholasname.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Internet strangers offer the best advice.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

Fun Fact: Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

When people say something is cray-cray it makes me wanna vom-vom.

Spotted on Slack:

People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

Making waves on WeChat:

I’d rather you don’t watch me while I’m liking my own post.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Having to pee really puts things into perspective. Like, OK, none of this matters.

Making waves on X:

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Take one positive friend and one negative friend with you on your next road trip. That way when your battery dies, you can hook cables to them and start your car.

Going viral on Messenger:

I know my limits. I don’t always obey them, but I know them.

Seen just now on Threads:

When my friends are religious, I pretend not to notice.

Trending via Snapchat:

If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

I don’t mind driving in bad weather. I mind other people driving in bad weather.

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

Are you gonna call me beautiful today, or do I need to go to the gas station?

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Yesterday I went to a fight and a baseball game broke out.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Going ballistic. Anyone need anything?

I don’t mind driving in bad weather. I mind other people driving in bad weather.

That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

Are you gonna call me beautiful today, or do I need to go to the gas station?

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨