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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

Cashier: Did you find everything? Me: Did you hide something?

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

They portray Pilates like it’s this cute girly thing and it’s actually training for combat.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Humans are just chaos wrapped in meat, going bananas on caffeine.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

I like riding by myself so I can replay 1 song 111 times with no complaints.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Expecting your first baby’s exciting, but have you ever ordered a new coffee machine?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Every CVS has its own unique energy that’s powerful enough to exalt or destroy the individual.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

As I’m cleaning my room, this is a friendly reminder that you actually don’t need that free t-shirt or tote bag from that event.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,316

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.

Just landed via Facebook:

So many people say they love their Roomba, but you never see them set it free.

Just landed via Telegram:

Big fan of calling artists their first name and then the band name as their last name.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

I hope this email finds you at relative peace with the paradox of existence.

Making waves on Telegram:

Love is not pushing them down the stairs when you have the opportunity.

Seen just now on Threads:

“Life is a marathon, not a sprint.” Cool, I dislike both of those things.

Going viral on Reddit:

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I hate the sounds you make when you chew.

Seen just now on Slack:

I always preferred the English spelling of “diarrhea” which is “diarrhoea” because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

Trending via TikTok:

Boys are disgusting. Can’t believe I like these things.

Going viral on Facebook:

So blunt, you can smoke my truth.

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

4 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about aging comparing a person’s playlist to a grocery store’s vibe, humorous and playful.

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Commentary:
"Guess it's time to face the music 🎶… and maybe pick up some kale while I'm at it! 🥬😂"

age, aging, getting, grocery, humor, joke, know, nostalgia, old, playlist, same, store

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Social Media Stars ⭐

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

So I think the mammals have now ravaged this planet long enough. It’s time for the reptiles to take over again.

34 shares on Messenger this month:

The question I ask myself most often is, “What would a jury think about this?”

52 shares on Threads this month:

Can I come over and overstay my welcome?

65 shares on Facebook this month:

Haven’t seen a single bikini photoshoot in the snow this year; the girls are tired.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

Say what you want about online meetings, but there are few things more liberating than attending a disciplinary hearing naked from the waist down.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I identify as Michael Jackson, so my pronouns are “he/hee.”

63 shares on Discord this month:

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night.

58 shares on X this month:

I’m a work in progress that hasn’t made much progress.

71 shares on Threads this month:

Oh, I shouldn’t worry? Why didn’t I think of that?

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Smithereens is the worst way to get blown.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

This meeting could have been a pajama party.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Beware. There are people in the grocery store that you know who want to chat with you. Stay vigilant.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

My first mistake of my life was my birth.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

The date abruptly ended over a disagreement on how to pronounce Gnocchi.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

When the blood pressure machine comes out for one person, the whole family has to get involved.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

Weird how I can’t seem to reach anything at the grocery store when hot men are around.

Spotted on WeChat:

My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I’m disgusted by the amount of nudity on Netflix these days. There’s hardly any. What am I even paying for?

Just shared via Facebook:

The younger generation will never know the fear and anxiety of calling your friend’s house, and their parents answer the phone.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Born to screenshot everything and never look at it again.

Going viral on X:

Laundry day is my favorite day of the week. That’s why I dress for it every day.

Spotted on TikTok:

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Parenting a teenager is surreal because you’ll be sitting there, and some dude who is much taller than you will walk around the corner and ask you how to open a popcorn bag.

Going viral on Telegram:

When you meet twins, demand to speak with the one in charge.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

I wanna become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

Asking my landlord if he has any Cyber Monday deals.

Traveling long distance without earphones feels like you’re serving a jail term.

“Who does she think she is?” Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You know you’re getting old when you and the grocery store have the same playlist.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

I wanna become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

Asking my landlord if he has any Cyber Monday deals.

Traveling long distance without earphones feels like you’re serving a jail term.

“Who does she think she is?” Well, it appears she is someone living her life unconcerned with who you think she is.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨