Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • The best way for me to stick to my diet is to go straight back to sleep after breakfast.
  • I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.
  • Drive like no one is watching.
  • I don’t have a welcome mat at my front door because I’m not a liar.
  • Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.
  • I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.