Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.
  • I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.
  • The best part about your kids being sick is you get to see exactly how shitty you’re going to feel in 48 hours.
  • My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.
  • I’ll make you feel safe in that you’ll know you can outrun me if we are being chased by a murderer.
  • Does everyone have that one colleague at work who puts you in a bad mood just by looking at them?