Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Calling someone a “tough cookie” isn’t a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.
  • I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.
  • I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.
  • I don’t understand people who say “I don’t know how to thank you.” Like they never heard of money.
  • Women in movies look so beautiful when they sleep. Meanwhile, I’m tossing and turning all night like a forgotten 7-Eleven hot dog.
  • Keep your friend’s toast and your enemy’s toaster.