I don’t push people away, I just do the Macarena.

I don’t push people away, I just do the Macarena.

Commentary:
“I don’t push people away, I just spontaneously break into the Macarena 💃🕺. It’s my signature move for social distancing with style! Who needs personal space when you’ve got dance moves like this? 😄 #MacarenaMagic”

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

    Commentary:
    Looks like that flight had some unexpected in-flight entertainment! 🥁😅 Let’s hope the little drummer didn’t keep a beat going when it came time to sleep 😴🛫.

  • I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

    Commentary:
    Looks like Earth just can’t escape the drama! 🌎😢 Who needs a psychic when you’ve got a front-row seat to the cosmic show of emotions right here on good old planet Earth? 😂 #CosmicComedy

  • My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

    Commentary:
    “Parenting level: Bathroom Sentinel 🚽👀 Avoiding potential chaos by sacrificing personal space 😂 #MomLife #DadLife”

  • My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

    Commentary:
    “Well, at least ‘The Walking Dead’ taught us a practical survival tip: when the zombies come knocking, don’t worry about the expiration date on those canned beans 🧟‍♂️🥫 Just pray they’re still edible and won’t turn you into a member of the undead pantry patrol! 😂 #ApocalypseDining”

  • If someone wants to spend time with you, they’ll let you know. Get rid of those people.

    Commentary:
    “Remember, life is too short to chase people who don’t make an effort to be in your life. 🕒✂️ Surround yourself with those who value your time like it’s a limited edition snack – available for a good time, not a long time! 🍿😄”

  • When you want to key his car, but he doesn’t have one, so you bend his bus pass.

    Commentary:
    “Seems like someone got a little carried away with the road rage! Remember, if life gives you lemons, don’t key the bus pass – just ride the chaos away on the next bus! 🚌😅”