Being a parent means hearing a noise at 3 a.m. and hoping it’s just a ghost and not your toddler getting up again.

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

In contrast to the ship, the movie Titanic was quite well received in America.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

I generally don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but I’m really good at it.

95 shares on LinkedIn this month:

As a simulation, this all kinda sucks.

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

Just saying “Think about it!” is enough to overwhelm many people these days.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

Enemies to lovers is only good if they’re gay. If I wanted to see a man and a woman yell at each other, I’d just go downstairs and eat with my parents.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

Stick with me and you’ll go places. None of them good, but still.

71 shares on Twitch this month:

Lying to stupid people can give you a profound sense of satisfaction, it can also make you president.

86 shares on Telegram this month:

My co-workers found out when my birthday is so now I need to find a new job.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.