Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

But babe, that’s my emotional support Lord of the Rings Extended Edition.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

When I become president, any public holiday that falls on a Thursday automatically extends to Friday.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Sorry, I had to cancel plans. The prophecy said so.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Much like an Olympic sprinter, I also load up on carbs, exert myself for roughly two minutes, and then quit for the rest of the day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

301 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,570

Funny Quotes Topics

17,628

Funny Quotes Images

15,570

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,667

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Facebook:

All the fruit flies are well-behaved near the garbage, only one is constantly nagging somewhere else because it thinks it has to discover new lands.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

After I get irritated, it takes me about 2 hours to fix my face.

Seen just now on Messenger:

The most disturbing thing about waking up at 4 a.m. is realizing some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’m “I can’t sit like that for too long” years old.

Live now on TikTok:

To quote Hamlet Act III, Scene III, Line 92 “No.”

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Billionaires are so weird. What are you saving up for? Hell?

Just shared via Pinterest:

The little umbrella is so unnecessary. Like, my drink is already wet, bro.

Spotted on YouTube:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I just heard someone refer to Texas as “Howdy Arabia” and I still haven’t stopped laughing.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

Can’t wait to overuse the “My husband said,” “Let me phone my husband,” “I’ll ask my husband.”

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like someone unlocked the "husband hotline" feature on their relationship plan! 📞🤔🤣

ask, call, communication, humor, husband, let, me, overuse, phone, phone call, phrase, relationship, said, wait

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

2 months ago

adulthood, broke, clothes, crisis, fit, grown up, humor, i, identity, identity crisis, over-thinker, overthinker, pretty, remember, self-deprecation, stressed-out, sure, wanted
“I’m tired of being forced to eat microplastics. I’m ready for big plastics now.”

1 week ago

being, big, eat, environment, food, forced, humor, microplastic, microplastics, plastic, pollution, pollution problem, problem, ready, satire, tired
Hugging helps break the tension with strangers in elevators.

2 months ago

break, break the ice, elevator, hugging, humor, ice, interaction, social, social interaction, strangers, tension
Living alone is so dumb, you’ll be asking your pets if they’ve seen your phone, and those lazy bastards never know.

1 week ago

alone, asking, bastards, dumb, forgetfulness, humor, know, lazy, lazy pet, living, living alone, never, pet, pets, phone, seen, talking, talking to pet
Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

2 months ago

across, activity, creative, creative activity, decorated, decorated house, decoration, enjoy, fun, handiwork, holiday, holiday spirit, home, home decoration, house, i, neighborly, neighborly fun, spirit, street, view, window, window view
You know you’re getting old when the radio stations and bars play music you don’t like, but the supermarket is throwing out banger after banger.

1 week ago

after, aging, banger, bar, bars, getting, know, music, nostalgia, old, play, radio, radio station, station, stations, supermarket, throwing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on Instagram this month:

Death by a thousand stupid questions.

97 shares on Twitch this month:

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

28 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

86 shares on Threads this month:

Donuts hug you from the inside.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.

36 shares on Discord this month:

Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.

14 shares on Threads this month:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

58 shares on Slack this month:

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.

29 shares on Facebook this month:

Japan’s greatest tragedy is having the world’s best toilets and no Mexican food. What’s the point of owning a Ferrari if you never take it to the track?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Shouldn’t autocorrect be called autoassume?

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Reminder that you need to be scrolling all day to monitor the situation.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Appliances always know when you’re getting a tax refund.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m so old and have never even met a woman named Jolene. I’d really like to find her, though. She can have my man.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I need to drink less water. This peeing situation is out of control.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

If my calculator had a history, it would be more embarrassing than my browser history.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I bet whenever a pilot drives a car there’s a brief moment of panic like “why isn’t it going up?”

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

I tried to clean up my Chrome tabs but it turns out all 200 of them contain information that is vital for my survival.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Baby, no job is ever that serious for you to be a work snitch.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Messenger:

Just cleaned my room in case Beyoncé was somewhere close to my house and her car broke down, and she needed somewhere to sleep.

Trending via WeChat:

We live in a time where intelligent people are being silenced, so that stupid people won’t be offended.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Perhaps moths don’t seek the light, but are simply fleeing the darkness.

Going viral on Discord:

I wanna date one of those guys who really loves their girlfriend.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

Live now on Threads:

Working my first office job. Is it normal to have nothing to do?

Just landed via Instagram:

Let’s tell the truth cell phone. I don’t have six missed calls. I have six ignored calls.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Accidentally said “normal” when they asked what milk I wanted at the leftist cafe.

Spotted on YouTube:

I kind of enjoy living in a world where I can end a conversation by simply not texting back.

Live now on TikTok:

Lie about the gap in your resume. Tell them you had to help some Hobbits take a ring to Mordor or something.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Can’t wait to overuse the “My husband said,” “Let me phone my husband,” “I’ll ask my husband.”

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.

“I’m tired of being forced to eat microplastics. I’m ready for big plastics now.”

Hugging helps break the tension with strangers in elevators.

Living alone is so dumb, you’ll be asking your pets if they’ve seen your phone, and those lazy bastards never know.

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

You know you’re getting old when the radio stations and bars play music you don’t like, but the supermarket is throwing out banger after banger.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨