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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

I’m at the age where I have to warm up first before jumping to conclusions.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Every time the universe sends me a sign, I’m like, okay, but I think I’ll wait for a signier sign.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Stop bringing shitty Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came to the woods to hear you listen to Katy Perry.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

I don’t understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

You give my middle finger an erection.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

My name is Bob but my friends don’t call me.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

If God had known what mankind would turn into, he would have sterilized Adam.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,460

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

Deleted all dating apps, instead I’m just going to walk into a grocery store and look confused.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

Live now on Reddit:

People who live in glass houses should be put on a watchlist.

Shared recently on Slack:

It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

Just shared via WeChat:

As per my last curse, I have no interest in this.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Perks of being ugly: phone battery lasts longer.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

It’s hard to sleep knowing that cake is in the fridge.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

Going viral on Snapchat:

So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”

Can’t wait to overuse the “My husband said,” “Let me phone my husband,” “I’ll ask my husband.”

Can’t wait to overuse the “My husband said,” “Let me phone my husband,” “I’ll ask my husband.”
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like someone unlocked the "husband hotline" feature on their relationship plan! 📞🤔🤣

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Discord this month:

Microdosing Christmas by being present.

36 shares on TikTok this month:

Texting is so boring. Just show up to my door with roses.

37 shares on X this month:

You can’t hurt my feelings, I used to bring my dad the wrong tools.

84 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a Like.

89 shares on Pinterest this month:

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

22 shares on Threads this month:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to walk into a cafe looking confused.

74 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Thaw me like one of your french fries!

70 shares on Discord this month:

I’m off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

92 shares on Facebook this month:

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Another day on this hamster wheel to nowhere.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

People will love you. People will hate you. And none of it will have anything to do with you.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a Monday, asking it to be a Friday.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I was born a boy, but according to the packaging, I identify as a family of four.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

This Monday is Mondaying like it’s never Mondayed before.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever came up with the spelling for “receipt” was an idiopt.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Is ‘ugh’ an emotion? Because I fell it all the time.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“That’s an interesting take,” I say, not listening.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

300 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,569

Funny Quotes Topics

17,627

Funny Quotes Images

15,569

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,432

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I am stoned and laying in bed reading, and the idea of Santa going on Ozempic popped into my head, and I whispered, “No!”

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

We need a word for that weird feeling you get when you learn what a podcaster looks like.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

Adulting means growing hair in places you’re not supposed to and losing hair in places you don’t want to.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

I like my Jims slim and my chances fat.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

I’m at the age where I consider any picture of me taken in the last ten years “current.”

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

In English we say: “You changed.” But in poetry we say: “You became a stranger wearing the face I used to love, and I am haunted by the ghost of who you were.”

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Whenever I feel like I hate my job, I remind myself that I could be a food taster for the emperor.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

I’m doing pretty good for someone who rarely has a clue.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Everyone should be more grateful for what I don’t say.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I’m forced to conclude that not liking my posts is a you problem.

Making waves on Telegram:

Not arguing with people anymore, I’m just gonna say “it makes sense that you would think that”.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

The real threat to Democracy is the Bureaucracy.

Shared recently on YouTube:

My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

Just landed via Threads:

I’m delusional but self-aware, I call that Delaware.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My two moods are eating a breakfast sandwich or wishing I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Trending via Discord:

No president next term. America needs to be single for a while to focus on herself.

Spotted on Messenger:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little mysteries you get to solve later on.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Flirting when bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

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