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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

If you’re lost in the woods, start talking loudly about politics. Someone will come to argue with you.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Pouring rain, football on TV, empty house; the stuff dreams are made of.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

The older I get, the more I respect Sleeping Beauty. She took one look at the world and said, “Nah.”

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

My favorite yoga pose is the one where you eat a sandwich.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Everyone hates on Gollum but he had the right idea: become a hermit, collect jewels, swim naked in lakes and pools, occasionally hiss at people who try to make you go places.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

A lot of people think you need a lot of money to buy clothes. And they’re right.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Years of personal growth can be unraveled in 2 days at your parents’ house.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

According to the BMI chart, I am too short.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

The cashier said, “Have a good day,” but she doesn’t mean it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

231 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,500

Funny Quotes Topics

17,568

Funny Quotes Images

15,500

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,541

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Reddit:

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

Trending via Instagram:

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner, because I am ready in 5 minutes, look nothing like my photos, and I’m just satisfying enough for you to want me again when you’re desperate.

Making waves on YouTube:

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

Seen just now on YouTube:

We were never supposed to have this much access to stupid people’s thoughts, beliefs, and opinions.

Trending via Threads:

Work meetings would be a lot more fun if they took place in a giant IKEA ball pit.

Trending via Threads:

Drive like no one is watching.

Just shared via Messenger:

Gen Z will be like “OMG new life hack!” and then it’s a video of them adjusting the toaster dial.

Making waves on X:

I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

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“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?
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Commentary:
"Why stop there? Might as well teach my toaster how to dance! 🕺🚿🚗🤣"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Reddit this month:

The Titanic is a great lesson of why “just the tip” can get you into a whole lot of trouble.

34 shares on Discord this month:

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean and people think I’m joking.

21 shares on Messenger this month:

“How am I supposed to avoid Al when I’ve procrastinated on a paper?” With a night full of caffeine and nicotine like your forefathers, you babies.

99 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve literally never copied and pasted text and thought, “I’m so glad it kept the formatting and font from the other document.”

34 shares on Pinterest this month:

Smoking weed and watching music videos as the hangout is a lost art.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

89 shares on Messenger this month:

I was always told to eat all my food so that I’d grow to be big and strong. When exactly does the strong part kick in?

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

What are some beginner pieces of information for somebody just getting into knowledge?

21 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s so hot the chipmunks are using my bird bath as a hot tub and requesting mimosas and the brunch menu.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Threatening my husband with tariffs every time he tries to make me watch sports on TV.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh, that gap on my resume is from when I was the architect of my own hell.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I think the Monday after Sunday should always be a day off.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

“Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Flex on your kids by asking “are we there yet?” before they do.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Normalize arguing with plants who refuse to stay alive.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Shazam, but for whatever the hell goes on in the apartment upstairs.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

231 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,500

Funny Quotes Topics

17,568

Funny Quotes Images

15,500

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,695

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

If you’re cheering for the stormtroopers, we cannot be friends.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Maybe everyone can just pee outside from now on so I never have to clean the toilets again.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Britney Spears working at an ice-cream shop called ‘Scoops, I did it again.’

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has downloaded:

I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

If only my bank balance was as high as my daily calorie intake.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

Making waves on YouTube:

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

Seen just now on Reddit:

It’s important to fuel your body with essential nutrients, which can be found in cookies, chips, and candy.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Ouija boards are like unannounced phone calls for ghosts.

Going bananas on WeChat:

When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’

Going viral on X:

Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

Just landed via Facebook:

Sometimes I’ll do a random act of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

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