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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Eating watermelon and minding my own business.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Uninstalling Instagram can increase your IQ by 10%.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

The first time people saw a train coming at them, they ran away in terror.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Controlling your anger at work is a job in itself.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Anyone who thinks things have got so bad that they can only get better is showing a remarkable lack of imagination.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

So rude to come up with solutions to my excuses.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

I accidentally relaxed too much, and now I don’t have enough anxiety to get stuff done.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,385

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

The only team building exercise we had when I started working was called “Happy Hour.”

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

None of the Instagram story fonts represent me.

Just shared via Slack:

Being a little older, I am very fortunate to have someone call and check on me every day. He’s from India, and he’s very concerned about my car warranty.

Shared recently on Threads:

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

Making waves on TikTok:

Software engineers are the dumbest smart people I’ve ever met.

Just shared via TikTok:

Beds are always the coziest when it’s time to get up and you don’t want to.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Sex is cool, but have you ever found an academic article that fits your research topic perfectly and supports all of your claims?

Making waves on Threads:

Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

Trending via Pinterest:

Men shouldn’t be allowed to download any app other than Wikipedia.

“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

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Commentary:
"Why stop there? Might as well teach my toaster how to dance! 🕺🚿🚗🤣"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Why does the dentist have to take an x-ray of my teeth? They right there, bro!

83 shares on WeChat this month:

Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

72 shares on Threads this month:

Taking a Hooters waitress on a date to a different Hooters on her night off.

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Take my advice, I’m not using it.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

People always talk about how they love to sit in their cars for a while once they get home. Whenever I do that, my Uber driver yells at me.

93 shares on WeChat this month:

Technically I’m still young, but according to my back pain I’m actually 69.

16 shares on Threads this month:

I suck at flirting. I be like “is that so?”

67 shares on WeChat this month:

If Keith Richards survived the ’70s, the ’80s, and 1.2 million Marlboros, I can probably survive anything.

74 shares on Messenger this month:

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

When someone asks me if my twins are natural, I tell them no they’re robots.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

“You handled that with such grace” are words that have never been spoken to me.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

They say the best things take time. That’s why I’m always late.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope one day I will sleep before midnight like normal humans do. Every day I sleep tomorrow, even yesterday I slept today.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to be gangsta but my grandma said no.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, “Wasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I made a resolution to eat better and exercise in the new year but didn’t specify which year I was referring to.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I love surprising my metabolism. It never knows what’s coming—either absolute starvation or 1,000+ calories all at once.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,425

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Having a crush should be considered a form of self-harm.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

A penguin is a bird the way a hot dog is a sandwich.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

Being in college when The Chainsmokers dropped Closer was an experience to say the least.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Please don’t invite me over if you have a leather chair that’s already peeling. I will peel it some more when you’re not looking.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

I can melt an ice cube just by staring at it. It takes a while, but I can do it.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to a happy life.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Other people: You should get out of your comfort zone. Me: You should get out of my comfort zone.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

If a dog growled at me, I would try to understand where they’re coming from.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

Airports should have tattoo parlors for those of us with long layovers and poor impulse control.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Life is hard. It is harder if you are stupid.

Breaking via Threads:

Life update: it’s getting worse.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding, but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Sex is cool, but have you ever received reassurance without asking for it?

Trending via Messenger:

Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

Shared recently on YouTube:

My husband said I use a lot of makeup, so I showed him some makeup tutorials on TikTok and I don’t think he’ll be making that mistake again.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I suppose the supreme discipline for ninjas is sneaking up with flip flops.

Going bananas on WeChat:

How soon into a new relationship should you let her know you’re an idiot?

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