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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

No, I wasn’t dancing. I got harassed by a bumble bee.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

And is this “year-end bonus” in the room with us right now?

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Insurance is cool because even if you have it, it still kinda feels like you don’t.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

When life gives you lemons, give them back and ask what the crap is all about.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

It triggers the little girl in me when I feel like I’m not being listened to when I’m talking.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

I enjoy long walks in the woods, but only because there’s a chance I’ll get eaten by a bear.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Getting a nose ring, so I don’t lose my keys.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,552

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Life is giving me no lemons. It’s throwing watermelons.

Just landed via Messenger:

I take issue with furniture that deliberately moves 1 inch when you’re in a rush to get by.

Just shared via Discord:

Airport security asked me if I’ve seen anything unusual. I just paid $18 for a coke & a sandwich. Let’s start with that.

Trending via Instagram:

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

Shared recently on Telegram:

I just need to lie down for a couple of years.

Seen just now on X:

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

“You’re such a stalker!” God forbid a woman wants to know more about her future husband.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Oh good. Another day.

Just landed via Messenger:

You’re a ghost driving a meat-coated skeleton made from stardust, riding a rock, hurtling through space. Fear nothing.

Making waves on Twitch:

I’ve been ghosted enough to add paranormal investigator to my resume.

“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

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“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?
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Commentary:
"Why stop there? Might as well teach my toaster how to dance! 🕺🚿🚗🤣"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

96 shares on Telegram this month:

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

38 shares on Pinterest this month:

Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

46 shares on Slack this month:

People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

32 shares on Messenger this month:

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

88 shares on Messenger this month:

They should invent a type of situation that improves.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

There is absolutely no excuse for laziness. But if you find one, let me know.

66 shares on Discord this month:

I really cannot be friends with picky eaters because it somehow always correlates to bigger problems and character flaws.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

When I take a shower I’m: 5% cleaning myself, 10% singing, 85% making life changing decisions.

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I love Queen and David Bowie, but why did they steal that riff from Vanilla Ice?

79 shares on Instagram this month:

What doesn’t kill you makes you weird at social gatherings.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry, I’m late. I got here when I wanted to.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss when my biggest problem was whether my Happy Meal toy matched the one from the commercial.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I wish I could turn down the volume on certain people.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Remember those days when you missed school and you’d check the time and think, “They’re eating right now.”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Should be able to shazam the inner yearnings of my heart.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If I ever experience an earthquake, my first thought will probably be it’s Godzilla.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m in a comfy dress today, but I look like a potato in floral. Call me Nelly Flortato.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,585

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

But have you tried getting slow neck kisses and soft ear whispers about it?

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

It’s not you. Just the things you say, think, and do.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Working as a 911 operator but hanging up when someone starts screaming because I’m an empath, and it overwhelms me.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

I got my patience from waiting half the day to download a song from Limewire.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

I miss when bills were none of my business.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

“Do you like using Twitter?” Does Sisyphus like his boulder?

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

She was unique, like a millennial that could drive a stick shift.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

Person in murder documentary: This is a small town. Things like this don’t happen here. Me: Um, based on the shows I watch, that’s all that happens in small towns.

Trending via Messenger:

The sexual tension between me and the alternate reality I daydream about.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Marriage tip: If your wife goes silent in the middle of an argument, you probably shouldn’t ask if you can go back to mowing the lawn.

Going bananas on X:

It’s wild that you can just do anything. Date the wrong person, choose the wrong career. You can go outside and start eating dirt if you want, and the universe lets you. Not even a pop-up like “Are you sure?“

Going viral on Facebook:

Summer body? Folks, I’m cosplaying as a potato that’s seen some things.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I laugh at my own jokes because I am my target audience. Y’all just happen to be there.

Live now on Reddit:

Not now, I’m befriending a crow and teaching it how to deliver handwritten love notes.

Trending via Instagram:

Taking a sip of beer and letting out a big “ahhhh” so the pregnant lady at the pool next to me knows what she’s missing.

Making waves on Twitch:

My dream car is a taco truck.

Trending via LinkedIn:

But have you tried getting slow neck kisses and soft ear whispers about it?

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