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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

“The average CEO reads 52 books a year.” Yeah, because they’ve got nothing else to do.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

AI is trained on what we write, so if we want to save our jobs we should all write really badly for a while. I’ve been doing my bit for years.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

My boss told me “It’s not rocket science.” Yeah, almost everything that exists is not rocket science.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

Messages are way funnier when you know how that person talks.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

If life could stop teaching me lessons, that would be great.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

Born to be a frolicker of the forest, forced to be a cog in the machine.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Cats are the best authoritarians. You will do their bidding, and you will like it.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

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Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

They say water is the source of life, which is true because you can’t make coffee without water.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

Just shared via Discord:

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Sleep is a free trial of death but with ads.

Just landed via Discord:

Breaking up is fine, but logging me out of your Netflix is crazy.

Going viral on Facebook:

Staring sadly at the empty ice cream bowl that’s too small for licking.

Breaking via X:

Presumably, if you had a time machine, you could just kill young adult Hitler. The baby part seems gratuitous.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Actually, you’re having a conversation with yourself. I’m just here so you don’t appear totally insane.

Live now on Facebook:

Drugs don’t ruin lives. Drug tests do.

Dear algo, please only show this post to benevolent aliens.

9 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Playful text asking algorithm to share post with kind-hearted extraterrestrials, humorous and quirky vibe.

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Commentary:
When the aliens give likes faster than light speed 🌌👽💡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

73 shares on WeChat this month:

January is the Monday of the year.

92 shares on Instagram this month:

Got a new Roomba but keeping the old one to see if I can get them to fight.

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

Good morning to everyone who still believes what they see with their own two eyes.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

A moth flies into your face out of nowhere. You could ask him why he does that, but what would you do with the information?

10 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A lot of childhood characters weren’t so much beloved as there wasn’t anything else on the TV.

31 shares on TikTok this month:

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

69 shares on TikTok this month:

The ability to adjust your vocabulary based on who you’re speaking to is a valuable life skill that many people lack.

22 shares on Telegram this month:

When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.

39 shares on Slack this month:

You want me to attend a work meeting? The thing that killed Julius Caesar?

25 shares on Reddit this month:

If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Thinking of telling my extra weight that I love it so that it can leave me too.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

At what point is a salad no longer a salad based on how much bacon I add?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

I never had a year with this much thinking. I’ve been thinking since the 1st.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

Rise and grind your teeth gently while ruminating over every past mistake.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

It’s amazing to think that a Penguin wrote all of those classic books.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

Before ball parks were invented there was pretty much no way to give someone a rough estimate.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Remember when the most annoying thing about Twitter was trying to think of a shorter word.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

Girls are happier when their dress has pockets, it’s science.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

Me, with $33 left after paying bills: Let’s see how much a Land Rover costs.

Spotted on YouTube:

Never underestimate the healing power of having your bed to yourself.

Just landed via Instagram:

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

Just shared via Instagram:

The highest act of rebellion is to relax unconditionally.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

You should always wash your sheets once a week in case they are really ghosts and need a shower.

Seen just now on TikTok:

ADHD is when you buy a blender and then make smoothies every day for 2 weeks, and then never make one or even acknowledge your blender ever again.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries: it fills you up nicely but without the buzz…

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I’m not saying it’s been a while, I’m just saying I completely blanked on the name of my gym.

Seen just now on X:

I’m sorry, but when you call me ‘batshit crazy’ it’s almost starting to sound like you think it’s a bad thing!

Just landed via Reddit:

Hey! (with the intention of going back to sleep)

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Dear algo, please only show this post to benevolent aliens.

All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Dear algo, please only show this post to benevolent aliens.

Keep the laugh going 😂

All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

Why do you assume it’s invalid to “make stuff up” during an argument? It shows initiative and creativity.

My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.

Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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