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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

A beaver is an otter that has studied architecture.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

A big shout-out to all the beekeepers. Our unstung heroes.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s only Wednesday.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

We seriously need to bring back courting. What the hell is ‘wyd tonight?’ Arrive on a horse and bring flowers like a man.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

I’ve saved every episode of Hoarders.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,699

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

Seen just now on Threads:

I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted without gaining weight. Now I pick up a fork and gain seven pounds.

Spotted on Threads:

“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Not going is the new leaving early.

Going viral on Instagram:

Going to the beach is 99% getting ready for the beach and 1% enjoying the beach.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’m sorry I bit your hand when you reached for my popcorn.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Every morning when that damn alarm clock goes off, I just feel it so much: A million-dollar inheritance suits me much better than an office job.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

Spotted on Twitch:

Asian girl at tech company: Wow, everyone here is so friendly.

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

2 months ago

0

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who knew that making a fortune could be as simple as playing a game of 'sinking ships' and dishing out dental advice? 😂⛵️🦷 Next time you visit the dentist, make sure to bring your A-game and maybe a life jacket! 🚢💸 #DentistLife"

30, assistant, better, brushing, care, dental, dental care, dentist, humor, money, mouth, playing, rich, ships, sinking, sinking ships, staring, wealth

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up, we had to manually roll up our car windows.

0

2 months ago

bad, car, car window, childhood, generational, humor, life, manual, me, nostalgia, roll, struggle, technology, tell, window
My boyfriend talks to everyone while I stand by quietly, planning my escape.

0

2 months ago

boyfriend, conversation, escape, everyone, humor, i, interaction, jealousy, planning, relationship, silence, social, social interaction, stand, while
I’ve got a neighbor who’s really into morons. I should introduce her to you guys.

0

2 months ago

guys, humor, i, interaction, introduce, introduction, moron, neighbor, sarcasm, should, social, social interaction
If I turned into a “teen wolf”, my first order of business would definitely be helping my basketball team get to the local championships.

0

2 months ago

basketball, business, championships, helping, humor, i, local, order, spirit, sports, team, team spirit, teen, teen wolf, transformation, wolf
The sound of a buzzing fly is enough to ruin my whole mood.

0

3 months ago

annoyance, buzzing, enough, fly, irritation, mood, ruin, sound, whole
“You’re a cougar!” God forbid a woman gives back to the youth.

0

2 months ago

back, cougar, give, give back, God, humor, woman, youth

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Twitch this month:

That pile of clothes on my bed, seems to have strange powers and gets higher on its own.

22 shares on YouTube this month:

Just once I’d like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal.

57 shares on Discord this month:

Sorry I lied when I said “I can’t complain.”

39 shares on TikTok this month:

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

97 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There should be significant punishments for people at the grocery store with no spatial awareness.

46 shares on Reddit this month:

Some people graduate with honors, I am just honored to graduate.

72 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes I wonder if the strangers I see when I go outside are actually the people I talk to online.

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There are no laws against pineapples on pizza.

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’ve watched porn with better writing than Stranger Things.

21 shares on Discord this month:

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If you send a man to war today, he’s gonna go there and take dark exposure aesthetic pics.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re an adult. You can do what you want. Wait…You have kids? Never mind.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is too short, and death is too long.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Y’all ever skip a class and then have the post-skip class depression? Like, damn, I should’ve just gone.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early, if you ask me.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Prison pen pal doesn’t want us to write each other anymore. Finds my life too depressing.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do flat earthers care so much? Like, what if the Earth is flat. What now?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent more hobbies for people without skills or patience.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,381

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

If I block you and you email me, you’re getting another chance.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

I’ve arrived like the sun: blinding, necessary, and impossible to ignore.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Shoutout to drug dealers for teaching the metric system to Americans.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has copied:

If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

I’m either freezing, peeing, or starving.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Anyone who deals with customers on a professional basis should be allowed to hand out one face slap per day.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Girls these days are like a box of chocolates. Some have nuts.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

We could have high-speed rail that connects the entire country, but instead we get AI porn bots that steal all of our drinking water to entertain the dumbest people alive.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

You either have a full ketchup bottle in your house or an almost empty one. There’s no in-between.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

I’m not saving daylight. I’m the one that needs saving.

Just landed via X:

Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

The secret to a good marriage is that it’s all about give and take. Giving each other frequent back rubs and ordering lots of takeout.

Shared recently on Threads:

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.

Making waves on Telegram:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

Just shared via YouTube:

Foo fighters still fighting foo.

Seen just now on WeChat:

People who don’t like pickles are so important because they give me their pickles.

Just landed via X:

Have you ever been in the car with someone who drives like we got extra lives?

Trending via Slack:

To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!

Trending via Twitch:

I hate listening to a rapper that I used to adore, and they just don’t have it anymore.

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